Sexual Healing

Dear Reader’s,

This is from another one of my many websites and is of adult content. As you can see or rather will read, Aunt B has walked on the Wild Side, a time or two. I can be brazen, possibly even vulgar but one thing’s for certain;

This is good advice!

Sex Coupons

Don’t be afraid to comment here, the CIA says this is a valid subject!

Yes, my Dear Readers, I can, have and may always be “Rude, Crude and Socially Unacceptable” but I always speak the truth. If you want your spouse or partner to keep shopping at your store, well, it’s all in the packaging…

I am 50 years old. Yes, I’m an old Slut with a capitol “S” and I do not apologize. I started having sex, way back in 1971. I think this gives me a good idea, what the whole scenario is all about. It also has taught me a lot about how men/women operate, right? This post applies to all sexual preferences and it knows no boundaries. I do think monogamy is a wonderful thing and in this day and age, safe sex is the only way to go. That means, don’t think that, that guy, who’s just so cute, with that nice ass,, may not be infected or that chick doesn’t have a disease, right. Don’t be another statistic, wear a condom, if you’ve not got a history with this person, ok? Every single person, including myself, never thought it would happen to them. But this post is about having a good time. Nothing says lovin’, like a chubby in the oven!

Yes, it’s a tad crude but you get the idea, right?

(Right click, save and print) (Do It!)

One thing I have learned, is you have to spice things up, sometimes, you know, to keep your man/woman from shopping at another store. Well, that and threatening their life, that they’ll never live to remember their indiscretion or live to tell about it, if caught.

The other thing I learned, is, getting old, is a matter of compiling memories, good or bad. Hopefully, you have more good than bad. My wish would be that I live, at least a few more years, too and build and retain more memories. My demise would be to get Alzheimer’s and not remember a damn thing. Then again, those with Alzheimer’s often digress, back to their teens or when they were younger. Now that would be some cool shit, huh? But the big question is gonna be;

“Have I lived?”

I’d like to think I have had a long life, full of memories, enough for a book, anyway. But it comes down to building some really good memories.

I Double Dog Dare You!

I dare you to walk on the edge. I dare you to do something, you’d never dream of doing and I’m not talking about Bungee Jumping! Think out of the box. Think out of the norm or status quo.

Sometimes, it’s even the smallest approach that will get him/her thinking. Do something that you’ve never done. Have sex somewhere unusual and be daring. Stop that missionary shit for one night. Get on that pony and ride. Be a trick rider. Ride backwards, holding onto his toes, then he can watch the whole thing. Mirrors are fun too!

Most men, want Betty Crocker in the kitchen and a trained Prostitute in bed. Give it to him, I guarantee, he will not forget it. Go out with a skirt and no panties. Your husband will be driven nuts, the sexual tension will be so thick, you can cut it with a knife.

Strip for him or surprise him when he comes home from work, dressed in a teddy or whatever. I’ve never heard of a man who complained that his wife wanted sex, when he came home from work. I’ve never heard a man say his wife was too demanding, always wanting sex.

Make a list of places, you want to have sex and try to mark off that list. I can’t remember my exact list and I know I have not done them all, as one of them was to screw in a Castle in Ireland. Some were improv, such as having sex on the 33rd floor of the Washington Monument in D.C. or when I went into the walk-in freezer with that good-looking Latin Lover/Dishwasher at a restaurant I worked at. Good grief, he rocked my world but then he started stalking me, ranting about love. Who knew?

But I think the cleverest thing I ever did, was to give my husband, a book of coupons for Christmas. I had no money, as a young bride, staying home with my son. So, I cut and colored a whole book of pull outs for “A Blow Job on Demand.” I honored ever coupon, no matter how daring it was, or how afraid I was of getting caught.

“He got that “Coupon Book” and a box of chocolate covered cherries, his favorite, every Christmas.“

Years later, before he died, he had told me, through all the years, that was the only gift he loved the most, the one most memorable. After the first coupon book, I’d ask him what he wanted for Christmas and he’d always answer, “you know what I want” and I gave him another coupon book. He then gave, recounted, exactly where he used every coupon and the whole scenario, as if it had happened just yesterday.

He remembered all right..yes, he remembered, whipping out a coupon, he kept in his wallet. We were at the brand new movie, “Star Wars,” in the balcony, all by ourselves. He even remembered the time, he almost wrecked the car, giggling with delight as he recounted;

We were riding down a back road and as he neared a curve, my head got stuck in the steering wheel. “What a way to die,” he exclaimed, a huge shit eatin’ grin on his face.

He remembered handing me a coupon, at a Jack in the Box, fast food restaurant and us going into the men’s room, right then and right there, me on my knees. Or the time, we were driving from Virginia to New York, on the Interstate. I’d not known it at the time but he’d handed me a coupon and I was doing the dirty deed. All the while a Trucker was watching us and gave my husband a “Thumbs Up” and mouthed the words, “Lucky Bastard.”

He could recall, every single coupon and had the biggest smile and isn’t that what love is, making your significant smile? Better yet, isn’t it about the good memories? When you’re old and gray, a memory might even start a fire. Those slow burning embers just might be rekindled, huh?

Be crazy, be slutty, be daring, be dirty cause they’ll remember it longer than they’ll remember you in your bathrobe, hair all screwed up. They’ll recall the good times more than the bad, if… “You Blow Their Mind!”

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

“Nice Guys Finish Last”…Or Do They?

Dear Aunt B,

First of all thank you for reading my e-mail; I really appreciate you helping me out when I can’t turn anywhere else for advice.

I’m in the 2nd year of college and in the freshman year I befriended a girl from my class. She was already in a long distance relationship with this guy for the past two years.

Well me and that girl really had a lot in common so we became best friends and always spent every possible minute together. After sometime I got to found out that her boyfriend was ignoring her and might have had another affair so she had broke up with him. Well being a good friend I consoled her and supported her in every way possible. As time went by and she improved I realized that I was in love with her and proposed to her. She also gladly accepted and said that she had the same feelings for me for the past sometime as well.

So everything was going very well for the past nine months , we had been going along very will, that is until her ex-boyfriend found about us. He suddenly “realized his mistake and rushed to my city to see her” to my disbelief she also went and met him although I forbade her. He uses all kinds of different pressure tactics to force her to be with him. He blackmails her, when she refuses to meet him, he kidnaps her from front of her home, he threatens to expose her to her family, commit suicide and so on. Even when the three of us met he said that he will do whatever means necessary to get her back, even if that means hurting her or killing me!

She will neither do anything against him, nor will she let me do anything about it. I had offered to pick her up from her doorsteps and even “take care of him” if he became too much of a problem. It’s almost like she misses him and wants to go back to him. I told her about my concerns and she said that she can’t help it, he, and his welfare is her first priority and she will stick with him as long as he wants to, but she still loves me and only me.

Well as a month passed bad went to worse as I found out that he is taking admission here and so she began to spend all available time with him, leaving me all alone. I have been insulted in our college and by my friends on this issue. She even spent our first anniversary with him, can you imagine how much that hurt me? She suggested to me that we remain just friends, I mean how is that possible, just because you’re feelings got diverted, doesn’t mean that so did mine. I feel that I have been sold out, that my feelings aren’t worth anything and that I have been back stabbed for the past nine months of unconditional love and devotion; both emotionally and financially.

I finally confronted her and told her that she couldn’t have it both ways and that I had been too lenient and caring and that she will have to choose between me, my friendship, my love and him. Well guess what, she chose him and told me that I should forget her forever. And we haven’t spoken since then.

The question I want to ask you is that, what went wrong? I left no stone unturned to make her feel special, which I swear on god. Doesn’t she see that what she’s doing is wrong, He left her once, and he can and will do it again. She’s not even concerned that for the next year she will have to face me in class every day. More importantly was my decision to leave her a right one? Or should I have stuck with her? And what do I do to overcome the intense feelings of hate and anger that I have?

Once again thank you very much for reading my problem and replying, I am really grateful for your advice.

Dear Reader,

Wow, reading this letter was actually gut wrenching. But as I read, I found myself actually becoming angry and rather frustrated for you. My thoughts are not very kind right now. I will try to remain impartial though, as always.

What I see is a woman that is being emotionally blackmailed in every way possible. I also see that I think she just might have the attitude, “If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Unfortunately, she gave in to his demands, his blackmail, his out and out line of bullshit.

Now, don’t take this wrong but he actually fought a better fight than you. He played “Dirty Pool,“ in every way, shape and form and ultimately won. But she also let him. It’s as if it’s a scenario from a Play, “Nice Guys Finish Last,” now isn’t it?

If it’s any consolation, I do not believe she’ll ever be happy with him. No, in fact, she’ll always be miserable but continue to tell herself that she’s happy. It’s not happiness when you have to analyze it, when it doesn’t come naturally and you have to actually question it. And I dare say, she will question and spend many nights wondering, “What if,” she’d allowed you to rescue her.

But she didn’t let you rescue her, even though there was a constant side of her that wanted it. Something inside told her to tell this guy to kick rocks, to get the hell outta her life. But she didn’t, did she?

When I stated earlier that he won, I want you to understand that yes, he won that fight but you will ultimately win the battle because for real, I hope you will one day see that you are better than that, you are one of the good guys and you deserve someone that won’t treat you as she did. Now, I know there’s a side of you that is still so hurt over this, over her, that you can’t hardly bear to read some of this. But if the truth were known, well Sweetheart, she was never yours to begin with.

I know this all hurts you and my prayer will be that you will heal quickly and in such a way that you will learn from this and become stronger. I will pray that you will become a better man because of this and that all this pain is not for naught.

You have got to, first of all, ready yourself for the *right woman, again, learning from the entirety, all this that you’ve endured. All that we go through in life, from our jobs to our personal life, will, if we play our cards right, ready us for our future. Come what may.

The mistakes we will most assuredly make along the way, hopefully, we’ll learn from and it will round us in to the good person, good husband, partner, employee that we might aspire to be.

What I am implying is not that your relationship was a mistake. Allow me to make this crystal clear. I imagine that you loved her and still do. Yes, true love does not just die and can not be turned off with the flick of a switch. Nor does love go away, if it is real, over night or because we have been injured by the person we love.

What I am saying is this; You wrote me and asked us our opinion and you can bet your bum, we’ll give it to you. My “Intuitions” tell me that you must move on no matter how painful this may be. I believe that it was never meant to be and unfortunately you have invested your heart into something that for all intent and purpose was actually an illusion.

Yes, she loved you and she always will but I do not believe she’ll be able to break away any time soon. I also think that even if she were to come back to you, in the near future, the trust you had and possibly even that love has been damaged, most likely beyond any repair.

My advice to you, at this juncture is to search for something which will engage you. I know that your mind races constantly, does it not? You are always questioning the what if’s and shoulda, coulda, woulda’s of this whole affair. And yes, I know that it torments you.

My Rx is for you to find something that will first make you laugh, at least twice a day (Go to Comedy Central or YouTube). As well, find something which will really capture your attention and take your mind off of things, i.e., games, research, maybe even a new hobby. Bide your time and heal. All will be well. Most of all; Be good to yourself. You are the kind of guy that many girls dream of!!!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

*Is there a coffee house at the edge of town? She may be there?

Dear Reader,

Your story is a hard one to read, because you really didn`t *do* anything wrong. Aside from forbidding her to see the other guy (dude, you had to know that was just silly), you really didn`t do anything. She did a lot of things wrong here, but we aren`t going to talk about the wrong and the right anymore because it just doesn`t matter. What matters now, is you.

This might be harsh, but follow through okay?

You know what happened. She followed her heart. As hard as that is to hear, she did what she thought was right for her and her feelings at this time. You can see this guy is an ass, and you know his MO. But she can`t see it, or she sees something that you cannot. Regardless of the incidences, she has chosen which path she wants to be on. She isn`t thinking about how this will affect you in class every day. She is thinking about how it would affect you to stay with you while she was in love with her ex. Sorry to be blunt, but there it is.

You are doing the right thing by letting her go, because YOU deserve to be loved by someone who will return that love 100%. You will need time to recover, I am sure, and I know the feelings of anger and hate are all you can see right now. But time does heal wounds, and so does forgiveness. Seems like a foreign concept right now, I know. But in time you will see that you deserve someone who is in it, really in it, with you. And you will meet that person, and have learned from the scorn of being burnt in a relationship, just how sweet it is to find someone who treats you with respect and honors the commitment you have made.

Sound like a bunch of malarkey doesn`t it? Honestly though, this is what the situation is and how to work through it. If you dwell on what you think you could have had with this girl, you derail any efforts to find happiness.

You have the choice to forgive her for betraying you and to move on finding your happiness. Or the choice to be angry at her and be in a self induced hell. Personally, I hope you choose the first option.

Brightest Blessings

Xmichra

Reality

My Dearest Readers,

I’d written this comment to a young man, a few years ago. He happens to be Gay and was having a hard time with his identity. I’d found it, the comment, on his website. He’d posted it as a separate post as he’d stated he felt he needed to hear it.

Maybe, you might need to hear it especially if you are young and you may also be coming to grips with who you are and/or questioning just what the hell life is actually all about???

Growing up is never easy and we tend to spend our youth always wishing we were older. Once we reach and become “of age” we find all the duty and responsibility that comes along with being and becoming an adult, well, it sure ain’t a bowl of cherries. The next thing ya know, you’re wishing you could still be a kid again. Yes, when life was not so complex and possibly less painful.

So, if you’re young and happen to be reading this, the best advice I could give you is to not rush to be an adult, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, believe me. Always strive to be yourself, treat others as you want to be treated, say what needs to be said as tomorrow is never promised. Yes, live like there’s no tomorrow and…

Reality. Some people have it all in this world. Some of us don’t have a pot to piss in. It is good to strive to be in the middle cause anything else is just gravy. Don’t expect it and it won’t be a disappointment.

Aim high but stay low, don’t ever be pretentious and things will fall in to place. Don’t sweat the small shit and it’s all small shit. Very important! But equally important, don’t wait for anybody to save your ass. You are alone.

Whomever you choose to cushion your world with is a bonus but don’t count on it. Have a higher power. Gay or not, God knows who you are and loves you. Does he make mistakes? I think not and he created you in His image. It is deviant behavior that he doesn’t like and you know what I’m talking about, those nasty trollops.

Fail to plan, plan to fail but don’t obsess. Don’t be lazy. If something needs to be done that’s important, you’ll feel much better getting it done, then you can breathe. But those f’n dishes can wait when it’s time to enjoy what life’s really all about:

‘Love, Laughter and Family’

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Nothing Is Taboo; Spanking

Hi Aunt B,

I am 61 male and have a desire to be bent over a woman’s knee for a spanking is this normal and what should i do?

Dear Reader,

First question, yes it is normal. It is normal to fantasize about a plethora of things actually. And this is one of the ones where making it a reality isn’t a bad thing. There are plenty of people who like S&M (you would be a submissive in this action) and where this is not doing any harm to anyone I don’t see why you can’t see it to fruition.

On that note, you don’t specify if you are single or married/attached. This is important, because if you are you should share your desires with your mate. I cannot stress this enough. If you choose to pursue this desire without your partner… okay, well I would just simply advise you to not do that. Your desire isn’t sick or weird, it is a fantasy. If your partner isn’t “into” it that is fine as well. But you should share this about yourself.

There is a ton of reading material that you can research about spanking/S&M/etc. Make sure you are reading the right things (because some are just fantasy forums, and some are full of dogma) to get to know the “why” if you are interested. But the general want to be spanked isn’t abnormal.

When you do decide to pursue this desire with someone, please be sure to talk about it and not just spring it on them (talking about something socially accepted as taboo requires buildup) and I again would strongly advise you to pursue this with a person who cares for you, because sometimes we will desire something but once we are *there* we change our mind, or decide it isn’t what you’d thought it would feel like. So you want to have a safe environment with someone you trust.

I hope you find the right time/place/person to share you deise with.

~ Xmichra

Soulseer Said…

Dear Reader,

Many people have become desensitized to regular porn or regular sex because we are over saturated with it and by it. You can get regular porn anywhere now. But I would say that it’s absolutely normal that you being a man would want to give up, um, and it’s a power shift that you would want to give up power and release to being dominated and a lot of men are like this. They like to be sexually dominated because in real life they are almost always in power and responsible or held responsible and this is a way of giving up that power in a controlled setting.

Check out alt.com This is a fetish website which deals w/every fetish out there, pretty much. But you know, in closing it’s absolutely normal and you should not ever be ashamed of it and maybe I encourage you to follow your dreams. Get yo freak on!!!

Be Yourself,

Soulseer

Dear Friend,

When we say “Nothing Is Taboo” when answering your questions, well you can see we mean it. I say this because some may think this is a taboo subject. I do not think it is and I happen to think if this is how you feel and it harms no one, then I see no problem with it.

Believe it or not, this may stem from how you were disciplined as a child. Yes, some children, in order to get attention will quite often do negative things in order to get that attention. Were you a mischievous young man?

I’m surprised that at 61 you are just now delving into this? Or perhaps you are just now realizing your fantasy about this? It could be that you are just now venting or admitting that this is what trips your trigger. Again, I see nothing wrong with it.

If you Google the word “Spanking” you will get an array of links, some suggesting the etymology of the word like in Wikipedia .Other links may lead you to such sites as the Spanking Club of New York. If you research this or even go into some of these sites you may very well find interested parties and fellow fetish friends.

And yet again, if you look around and just Google the word spanking as I said, you will find a lot of people that are into the same thing thus proving that you are not alone. I suggest that you do as I said, take a gander at some of these links where you just might find yourself at home, on familiar ground and you never know…a friend indeed who just might accommodate your very wish. Happy Hunting!!!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Intuition Is More

Have a Question? Write Aunt B at;

askauntb@gmail.com

Dear Aunt B,

Hi, O.k, this is just a bit wierd, but any help would be very much appreciated, as I am very much the agony aunt of my friends, but from whatever way I look at this, I can’t find a solution.

I am currently with a fantastic guy, he loves me, and I truly think we are soulmates, we were finishing eachothers sentences when we had only just met, and continue to baffle our friends and relatives with our ability to be on the same wave length. He knows what I want with out me having to hint or anything, as if he can read my mind. It’s great

However, for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about his ex girlfriend…I know. It’s weird. They didn’t go out very long, and they are still close friends, he has always been open about there friendship, I know for a fact, nothing would ever happen between them again. Ever, they have both moved on. He has said he feels like he ‘messed her up’ which, as he thinks the world is on his shoulders, I know he feels like he has to help her whenever he can as a result, (especailly as she has a tendency to burden him with her issues). I am generally a secure, none obbsessive or jelous person. Although I once had a dream where he kissed her infront of me and acted completly out of character to normal life, it really upset me, but it was so surreal, does this mean anything? I really don’t get it, I can’t help thinking where she is and what she does. I just want to stop thinking about this. It’s stupid. I know it’s natural to feel uneasy about the one you love having been with someone else, but he’s really comfortable telling me anything about it, and I know if he knew, he’d say: that’s crazy, I love YOU, she’s just a mate…so why am I loosing sleep over this? …on some level I think it may be because I could never imagine myself being such close friends with some one I went out with, maybe I just don’t understand. I dunno. She was also snide an cold towards me the first couple of times I met her, and seems to only of just come round to being friendly…in fact she said I was awesome the last time we were all together. So why can’t I stop thinking about her?? PLEASE help. So confused :S

Thank you.

Dear Reader,

Thanks for posting your question. I am from the old school of thought, that intuition is more than it seems to be. In other words, you evidently harbor some doubt about your boyfriend’s loyalty to you, in regard to this ex girlfriend you speak of. So, perhaps you have a reason to feel this way. My advice to you is that you stop doubting yourself and cease putting yourself down over it. It’s best to be open about your feelings, and see what transpires in the days to come. I think your questions, in time, will be answered that way.

I hope this helps, and thanks again, for asking advice…………….

SidellSez


Cont’d…

I will also answer this asap…
Sorry for the delay in answering you.

Dear Reader,

The title to this post speaks volumes, for one. Always rely on your Intuition and it will never steer you wrong.

I think it’s safe to say that the vast majority of women would most certainly side with you. The point to make is simple; Would your current fella want you doing the same thing with one of your ex’s?

My own Intuition tells me that this woman is not to be trusted and I can actually see her taking great pleasure in the fact that she still has your man wrapped around her little finger.I somehow feel she uses his kindness, his gentle nature and without him even realizing it, she plays head games in her twisted ploy to keep him in check. And you can tell him I said so.

Having said that, my advice to you would be to simply sit him down and let him know that this entire situation makes you uncomfortable. I believe you when you say it’s not a matter of jealousy. However, your fella needs to understand that it’s just not proper no matter how adult we want to act, especially if their relationship was of a sexual nature.

You explain to him that it’s also not a matter of trust, as you trust him…it’s her that you can not define…it’s her that you don’t trust. That is human nature. He could reassure you till the cows come home but yet again, you don’t know her like he knows her, which by the way says it all.

My suggestion is a campaign to begin distancing himself from her. I know this much; If I told my man that the whole damn thing makes me uncomfortable, is a thorn in the side of your good relationship then I do believe he needs to heed the warning. And it’s not an unreasonable request.

Her life is her life and the time has come for them to part ways. He has done what he has done out of guilt. She is taking advantage of the situation and his good nature. It needs to stop. She is extremely manipulating and I just happen to know she gets extreme pleasure out of making you uncomfortable.

In the event I am right, (and I’m betting that I am)don’t you think he needs to stop being used and abused and move on to a healthy and happy relationship with the one woman who loves him enough to have put up with this bozo bull, one who cares enough to have sought counsel in order to make it all work?

Now…I’m betting on you!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

More Bees With Honey Than Vinegar

Send your question to askauntb@gmail.com

Dear Aunt B,

We have recently rented a very nice house for a decent price, and we love it. There is very little we would change if we bought this house, we are close to work, family, stores, and we only really have one neighbor to our property because of road frontage, railroad tracks, and a gully behind. The house is almost perfect, and the rent and utilities so far are not that high. The only problem is our neighbor. There is a row of bushes between our properties, and in cleaning the yard we had lined up branches and logs from the winters storm on our side of the bushes. She came knocking on our door, yelling at my daughter that the limbs are on her property and she wanted us to move them, my husband went to the door, and politely asked her what was wrong, and she was making snide remarks about us facing trespassing charges if we didn’t move them. He said “I’ll call Jerry (the landlord), thank you, ma’am” and he shut and locked the door. We told the landlord what she said and the landlord looked at where we put the limbs and said that he saw no problem, and that the bushes were on the line. Then about a week later she got mad again and was fussing about the trash can my daughter sat it a few inches over into her yard and she made us move it. Now, my husband has caught her raking limbs onto the back of our property, when he said something to her she said it would be best if he just went back inside.
We have always been friendly with neighbors and are used to people who you can share garden veggies with and talk to every day on the way to the mailbox. How do we deal with this lonely, angry woman? She is elderly, lives alone and rarely comes out, and hires people to do lawn work and such, I think.

Dear Reader;

I have lived next to people like this (and they were not elderly, just ornery!) and unfortunately the answer is this: leave it be.
Make sure you know where your property begins and ends, and respect those limits. Some people are, for whatever reason, very compulsive about every centimetre of their property, especially when they have to defend it in the past. You rent this property correct? My guess is that this lady has had several neighbours and has learned over time to “draw the line” nice and early so there is no room for miscommunication. Really has nothing to do with you personally..

You never know, maybe if you respect her wish (in respecting her property) and you live there a little while, she might come out of her shell and become a little more neighbourly.

Hope you enjoy your house, regardless of the neighbour.

~ Xmichra

Hi M******,

Isn’t it always true that just when everything seems perfect, a pricker gets in our way! Well, I know how hard it can be to have neighbors who are difficult. Two things come to mind, first, how lucky you are that this is just one person to deal with. The second thing is, that this old woman may feel threatened by a young family moving in. She may know, that some young people treat the elderly with disrespect.
My advice to you is to give her a chance. Be nice to her, despite her aggressive behavior to you, for it might be out of fear. Show her that you don’t mean her any harm, and in fact truly want to be neighborly. She may come around, and then you can build some sort of trust, as a neighbor. And, if things really do not get any better, a bad neighbor can be less of a reason that some people do end up moving!
I hope this helps!

Thanks for contacting SidellSez and the best of luck to you!

Sidell

Dear Melissa,

I would imagine that the commandment to “love thy neighbor as you love yourself” is surely a challenge in your mind at this point in time. I think anybody would find fault in your neighbors bad behavior. Yes, it’s enough to “piss off a Preacher” isn’t it?

You stated, in your letter, “

How do we deal with this lonely, angry woman?” so it appears to me that you are able to see things from different perspectives, i.e., that she is lonely and angry. It also sounds like you and your husband are reasonable people faced with an unreasonable neighbor.

I suppose there are a couple of different ways to deal with this woman, one of which is steering clear of her in hopes that she’ll just settle down as you settle in. She is evidently territorial, not to mention vindictive and at this juncture she may just simply be letting you know loud and clear that she’ll not take any abuse of her rights and/or property lines, real or imaginary.

You can pick which one suits you or rather which one you can bear to approach. The first idea might be a “Do Over” line of attack. Possibly you could take over a homemade item such as cookies or something similar and establish that the two of you got off on the wrong foot. You could also acknowledge that you respect her as well as her property and will try to be mindful of such.

Now I realize you’re probably a bit miffed by her behavior and as such may be a tad bit apprehensive about”sucking up” to such a hateful persona. But you do get, “More Bees With Honey Than Vinegar.”

If this line of attack is palatable, in thought but not in reason, you might write a note to the effect of how you would like to “turn over a new leaf” per say, making sure that you mention the fact that you’ve never ever had problems with neighbors before and you certainly do not wish for it now. Then ending it with the question, “…and how can we resolve this to your satisfaction?,” may bring forth some semblance of satisfaction.

By writing this note, making it clear that you realize that she’s obviously been burned by someone who’s lived there before you, it will then possibly validate her fears but also make her aware that you, her new neighbor are not like your predecessors and will most certainly treat her just as you’d want to be treated.

Now the ball is in her court and she just might have to look at her, more than obvious asinine behavior.The methodology behind this may be to let her know that you do realize that it’s quite possible that, for better terms, she may very well be carrying some emotional baggage, real issues she’s dealt with in the past by neighbors that did not treat her with due respect.

If this does not work, I’ll welcome you to write us again and we’ll be more than happy to hash this out with you.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Matthew 22:36-40

36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Play House

Write Aunt B and ask your question at mzbabz@comcast.net

Dear Aunt B,

I am 28 with 2 young girls, a 2 and 3 year old! I married my high school sweet heart when I was 20. We seperated in August because we were both living seperate lives and had cheated on eachother… UGH! I met a wonderful man since then that is great with my girls and is awesome to me. We are engaged to be married in September!!! The dress is bought, the flowers, the reception hall… everything! But my divorce isn’t supposed to be final until June. The problem is… my ex wants me back really bad and exclames that he is a changed person… and he wants to raise our girls together… The “new guy” does have some habits and lifestyles that I find quite repulsive… but nothing I can’t get over… he is a great guy…
I would really love to raise my girls with their daddy that I really do still love and have feelings for but don’t know if I can risk being hurt again and losing a wonderful guy like the “new guy”
HELP!!!!

Dear Reader,

Okay. You definitely need to break up with your current guy, because you are *clearly* in love with your ex, and it is not fair for you to do this to him, to yourself or to your kids.

I know that you are scared of making a poor choice… but the worst thing you could do is get married when you do not love someone. Add to that your love of another and you are walking into disaster.

You need to be on your own for awhile to figure out where your heart is. “The new guy”, if he is as great as you make him sound, deserves to be loved wholly, not because he appears to be a better choice. And YOU deserve the same!

I honestly don’t know what else to say here. If you ignore this, I am positive things will get really bad, really quick, and there will be a lot of hurt people.

I wish you the courage to follow your heart.

~Xmichra.

Dear Reader,

I have to warn you; I shoot from the hip and I will tell you what and how I feel, OK?

Somehow I have the distinct feeling that you are in such need and willing to “play house“ that you stand to lose all in the end. Now mind you, this is not abnormal especially when women have been programmed for all eternity to marry and be the good lil wifey, etc. etc. and as I mentioned before, “play house.”

My concern is that you are jumping from the frying pan into the fire by over looking and I quote, “repulsive” behavior. That’s a pretty harsh word to over look much less the behavior that might accompany it. And I am simply stating the obvious.

My advice to you is to slow down for just a hot minute. I don’t care if you have bought the dress, paid for this and that, so on and so forth, a fine example of why you should never put a price on happiness.

I’d truly like you to re-evaluate your stance in all this and really ask yourself, one important question; For real, who are you truly in love with or are you settling for something, someone, anything, anyone? What is your hurry, that is the next question?

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Easy Dynamic

Write Aunt B and ask your question at mzbabz@comcast.net

With Aunt B’s Answer

Dear Aunt B,

On your website you said nothing is taboo and that’s why I will feel a bit more comfortable telling you this. I’m a 26 year old woman. I have a close knit family whom I love very much. I have an uncle who was in prison for 18 years that we as a family would go visit every weekend for years. We had a very good relationship during those years. He was released two years ago and our relationship has changed. Last October, our relationship turned sexual and has been that way since then. He would send me texts saying how he wanted to have sex with me since I was 16. At first I thought it was a crazy joke, he was in prison a long time. That started in March. Now let me say I thought the world of my uncle when I was 16. He always talked to me and gave me advice and listened to me. My father wasn’t around so he was the next best thing but better because I could talk to him about things I couldn’t with my mother. I never knew he felt that way about me. I admit I got curious after a while but I never really thought it would happen. When it first started it was just sex, but me like a dummy started to have feelings 5 months in. I told him I wanted to stop because of that and he ignored it. Him and I both have had other partners him a lot more than me I’m sure. He tells me I’m better than his other ladies. He gets jealous when I mention another man. He tells me that I’m perfect and that if our situation was different he would marry me. He gets butterflies when he sees me. He loves holding me. Now another woman is pregnant by him and it hurts me. I’ve been in this situation where I was cheated on and the other woman got pregnant three times before. I got really upset. We weren’t exactly careful and if it wasn’t for plan B I would b pregnant by him. He tells me he doesn’t want to stop. He even asked me if I wanted a baby and said he loved me one time since I found out. Now I know that his words are BS but I guess it wore me down after all this time and I feel stupid for allowing myself to have feelings for him. I don’t know where they came from. I don’t understand why he wanted me in this way. I certainly didn’t plan on this. It really was just sex in the beginning and I didn’t want or ask for anything beyond that. But he keeps coming up with these type of comments. Even though I feel like I’m in love with him, which sounds completely insane, I understand there is no good coming out of this situation especially for me. I want help with how to push emotion to the side and get out of this situation. Signed, Going Crazy Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Dear Reader,

In the interest of helping you, really helping you, I need to tell you that you need to seek a professional for the resolve to your question. Not because you are crazy, but because you will need to talk this out for awhile before you can feel that you have fixed this situation. You are right, this is a complicated situation, and one that I feel shouldn’t be answered in a quick gut answer format.

I can tell you what *I* would do. So I am telling you to please get help from a professional. You do need it. There are so many things at work in this one small glimpse of your story.

I will go into this, a little, because I am afraid that you will not seek help. I am afraid you will not seek help for fear of judgment of *who* the man is, and having the rest of your feelings cast aside because of it. And I know there are plenty of professional people out there who get a bad rap, but a good one worth their salt, wouldn’t make you feel that way at all. A good therapist will address the whole of this situation, and go through all your feelings and how to overcome them. So please, again, do seek help.

It doesn’t sound insane to me that you feel that you are in love with this man. It actually makes total sense that you think you feel this way. It makes sense that you are feeling betrayed. It makes sense that you are feeling cast aside. It makes sense that you are angry. Do not feel stupid, you are making sense. Regardless of *who* the guy is, anyone would feel angry and be asking exactly what you have been asking.

The problem that I see is that he has preyed upon you since you were very young, and he will continue to do so. I am sorry to hear this story, and even sorrier for the pain this will cause you. But you need to step away, and you need to get help. Have you told your parents about all this? I am guessing not given the circumstances. I am not sure if saying anything to them right now would be helpful, because I don’t know your parents. But if they are close to you (as you have indicated) and you trust them, I would suggest that you tell them and let them help you through all of this. You will need support.

Your situation isn’t the type where there is a simple solution. If I could have a piece of simplicity, I would encourage you to move on and forget this guy because he doesn’t love you. And I really wish it were that simple. But, I know it isn’t because of the nature of your relationship and the length of time this has evolved. So, again, I implore you to stop what you are doing all together with this man, and get help.

I wish I could answer this for you, and I wish that it were an easy dynamic. If you need help to seek a professional, please let us know (we will keep that off site).

~Xmichra.

With Aunt B’s Answer

Dear Going Crazy,

I am “tickled pink” that you wrote us as we appreciate our readers as well as those that ask the many questions that we get. You’re right; Nothing Is Taboo and we will discuss anything, if it is a serious question. What I mean by this is if someone truly wants an answer to a heart felt question and sometimes even that is debatable, we will try to accommodate them by answering as best as we can.

I do believe you are already aware of the “Social Stigma“that may be associated with your relationship with your Uncle. For all intent and purpose, some may even refer to it as Incest. And if you don’t mind, I’ll ask you to click on that link I just provided for you, for that particular word.You may then come to your own conclusion/resolution as to the definition of your situation.

Putting all this aside, even the nature of the your possible blood relationship, well, I have bigger fish to fry here. What I mean by this is rather plain and simple;

Your Uncle, I believe is using you in the name of love.

Now, you may write me after you’ve examined all of this and “read me the riot act” but I’d be willing to wager, you have some real *self-esteem issues. Yes, I’d also be willing to bet you are a bit over weight, feel rather ugly and have been very hard on yourself, most of your God given life. And I want it to stop…right here and right now. Yep, you damn skippy, I can see you and I do know.

You have such urgency to be loved and desired, (which are all normal human needs), that you are willing to put aside all the red flags, all the, shall I dare say; Wrong that has been done to you. And I’m asking you to slow down and take a long, hard look at how you’ve allowed yourself to be treated.

You are in good company when it comes to what people, even and including myself, well, just what we will do for love. And it’s all a matter of what we may choose to endure in the “name of love.”

I’m sorry to tell you, that although I do firmly believe that your Uncle has feelings for you, I also unflinchingly believe he’s been leading you astray and feeding you a line in order to have sex with you. Now, you can lie to yourself and/or sugar coat it all day long but I tell you all this because I want you to wake up and see the devastation this man has effected.

What Can You Do???

For starters, I want you to begin to assess your own, hidden self worth. It’s not hidden from the world just from you, apparently, when you look in the mirror. I think you may have forgotten what a wonderful personality as well as sense of humor you possess. The absolute best attribute you are blessed with is that undeniable “twinkle” in your eyes, especially when you are in a playful mood. You’ve not been playful as of late and that’s a shame. The spring in your step
has sprung. Hasn’t it?

I’d like to see you get your sense of self back. That playfulness that I spoke of will come back the sooner you see how wrong it was for your Uncle to do this to you. Yes, I said “do this” because you have been a victim of a man who took advantage of and did what it took to bed down a damsel in distress, someone who just wants to be loved.

Your answer, the beginning lies in you seeing all of this, peering into the looking glass with the realization that it is all as simple as you seeing yourself again, for the first time. Somewhat a riddle, I promise you that if you would ingest all that I have prescribed to you,

“He will come along. And he will tell you that ‘you have the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen’.” (Bedroom Eyes)

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

*Further Reading on Self Esteem;

Self Esteem – The Problem Behind All Problems
by Asoka Selvarajah, Ph.D

How Can I Improve My Self Esteem?
Reviewed by: D’Arcy Lyness, PhD

Written by Staff & Ask Aunt B at 12:47 PM 3 comments Links to this post Labels: Nothing’s Taboo, Prison, Sexual Issues, Women’s Issues

You Want to Do What With $58 Million???

Commentary by Aunt B

And the Headline reads…
Government to condemn land for Flight 93 memorial

PITTSBURGH — The government will begin taking land from seven property owners so that the Flight 93 memorial can be built in time for the 10th anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks, the National Park Service said.

Read the Rest…

Commentary by Aunt B…

We did it to the Native Americans and you’d think by now we’d have matured enough not to do it again. Now, the Government is going to take land for a memorial for Flight 93.

I imagine if I owned land and the Government was trying to hand me a song and dance, you know less than the value for my land, I’d be pissed and would stall too. Yes, I’d probably hold out, calling their bluff…but it has backfired, I do believe.

They will now take the land they want, unless I’m not catching on to the exact thinking and reasoning in this whole affair. And it’s deplorable, sad and out and out outrageous.

In the first place, I will allow you to call me an asshole but I could never ever condone and sign my name to spending and I quote;

The seven property owners own about 500 acres still needed for what will ultimately be a $58 million, 2,200-acre permanent memorial and national park at the crash site near Shanksville, about 60 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.

Yea, call me an asshole, whatever but I could never spend that kind of money knowing that, in this economy when you have people living in tent cities, barely making it with that little bit of food stamps, having to send your kids to school to get the free breakfast and lunch, seniors barely able to make it and I could go on till the flippin cows came home, how in the hell can you justify spending $58 million dollars on a memorial? I have a heart but damn, it is insanity at it’s finest. Please explain it to me?

I read the news every morning. At least, at the very least, once a week, I read of someone who has killed his family and then himself because he’s lost his job and about to lose his home. I read of another drug bust of some young kid and…

MTV, I hold you in contempt, oh yes I do. You’ve lied to our youth and you’ve single handedly caused the down fall of thousands of young men, especially young black men.

“OMG Babz, what in the hell did you just say???”

This is my blog and I will say what I damn well please and hopefully speak the truth. And And And don’t f*n tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. Let me tell you, I lived for several years in Garfield and East Liberty, right in the ghetto’s of Pittsburgh. If that’s not enough for you, I also lived in “Crack Hill,” and “The Bottom” in Fredericksburg, Virginia, again, for years. Not enough? I lived around and scored my drugs in the ghetto’s in 5 States. I have an educated opinion and have been in the trenches.

It’s hard for anyone to get a job, not to mention young uneducated black men who already have one strike against them because of their color. They are brought up with the mindset that because they are black they’ll have no chance in hell to make it in this world. But look at Obama, would ya please?

They spend a good portion of the day watching MTV and they see all the Brothers with their Bling, their fast cars and their faster women. And they begin to believe that it is the definition of a successful black man, a for real Gangsta. No, you ain’t shit if you don’t have it; It being the clothes, the shoes, the jewelry to say the least.

MTV’s shows like “Cribs“ are good on one hand as they show what you can have if you can achieve, usually as a Rapper. But video’s set the standard. They are the catalyst, especially the ones that show life in the hood and how it’s supposed to be.

So how does a young black man get all that stuff when he can’t even get a job? He sells drugs, that’s what. And the examples that are set are of living a “Thug Life”, especially from video’s where Gangsta Rap are concerned. And it’s living a lie.

If you think I’m wrong, allow me to remind you that there are more black men in Prison for drug sales than just about anything else. If it’s not for drug sales, it’s for what I fondly call, “Crimes to Sustain.”

Are you wondering what I’m talking about when I say “Crimes to Sustain”? It is a crime that is done to get what you have and I don’t, what you have that I want to sell and sustain me or my lifestyle.

Go ahead, ask a black man why he’s in prison and it’s usually because he wanted a certain lifestyle he couldn’t get any other way…or so he thought and was taught. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a desire to dress nicely and I believe you should dress for success. But dirty deeds will never be rewarded. Crime does pay but only for a minute. Why doesn’t MTV teach that?

Why don’t the video’s show how it looks as they make you spread your cheeks and cough? Why don’t the video’s show how fucked up it feels to have to stand naked in a group when they do a Shakedown in Prison? And you ain’t going to get to wear your bling in there when you become just another inmate who believed the hype, the lies and alibi’s.

The Answer; An Incentive to Excel

$58 million dollars is a lot of money and so much good could be done with it. In memory of those that have died, those that were heroic that day, why not set up scholarships and grants that just might give someone, specifically minorities, a whole life of help. It’s like the old adage, “Give a man a fish and he eats well for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats well all of his days,” or something like that?

Yes, that’s a whole lotta love that could be spread, $58 million. For those that face life heroically every day living in the ghetto’s all across America, why not give them incentive to excel. I don’t mean little $1000 scholarships, I mean send them to school; College, Universities, Vocational, all expenses paid.

Blacks across America are doing and behaving, going to prison for and paying the price of and for a mindset of little to no choices. The funny thing is that this could be changed with this incentive to excel. But it must start at home, in school and when the child is young. He’s got to have a plausible dream, an attainable goal.

If a parent knows that they have a golden carrot, an opportunity afforded their children, they just might teach them that they have a chance. Right now misery and pain, seem to be passed down generation to generation. It’s predisposition, a precursor for disaster, over and over. This could be changed…

Knowledge is power. The implication of it all, the proposition of it in it’s entirety is endless. For a parent to be able to teach and tell their children that if he/she works very hard at getting good grades and staying in school, that they will have an amount of money set aside for them, specifically $58 million dollars, it will make a difference.

Do you even realize the difference this would/could make? Might you even surmise what a difference even half of that allocated money could do to really help? Let me just put it into perspective for you; Your crime rate will go down, the prison system will not be as over loaded as it is, your world as well as theirs will be a better place.

If I can see this, why can’t they?

Labels: Commentary by Babsbitchin, Flight 93, MTV, National Park Service, Pittsburgh

Doors of Communication

Write Ask Aunt B @ mzbabz@comcast.net

This is an Aunt B expose’

Saturday, April 25, 2009
Doors of Communication

Dear Reader’s,

As of late, I’ve found myself visiting the blogs of people, I don’t really know on the sidebars of some regulars I read. A lot of these blogs are about being the parent of a drug addict. So very sad.

And it occurred to me that God has blessed me with really being the only F***-Up in the family. What I mean by this is that while my daughter struggles with an addiction to Soma, my three sons really do not practice, note that word, “Practice” current and/or hard core drug use.

There’s no pat on the back for this because they watched as I shot up Heroin, drank whiskey shots like a seasoned Sailor and basically lived a life of every day crime.

Yea, I used to kid, “A Crime a day, keeps the Doctor away,” meaning I wouldn’t be dope sick if I committed some crime, scam, scheme, whatever it took to get my bundle of Heroin. And you can bet your ass, before I started doing heroin and was taking massive quantities of pills/opiates, I stole or wrote/forged Prescriptions for years to facilitate my habits as well as my husbands. I’m certainly not proud of this and as I write it, I could just puke.

If I’d tell you some of the rotten awful things I did, you’d probably say, “OMG Babz, you did not?” But I did and the past person I was, is a different person. I even changed my name from Barbara to Babz cause I’m not “her/Barb” anymore.

It saddens me though when I read some of the pain this Drug War has caused. And that’s exactly what it is, an all out War on and against, especially the juvenescence of today. This shit is taking your children hostage and promises to kill, harm or maim them for life. And of course, your life will never be the same.

First let me say that I don’t claim to know it all, hell I’m just recently beginning to realize this and am hell bent for leather to learn all sorts of sordid details. Not really, actually I want to know and learn, sew and say all the best I can in the time allotted me, left on this earth. I have a whole butt load of Karma, the good one, I need to replenish and give back. And I know Mz. Karma Bitchslap™ on a first name basis. I met her in Prison…

As I stood on that bridge, (another story in itself), ready to jump into the icy waters below. Here I was out, in the middle of a blizzard, no one on the roads, on the hunt for dope. I scored one bag but couldn’t do it because I had to walk home first and share that one bag with my SOB husband who divided it, giving him the bigger portion. It was barely enough to even get myself right much less the two of us.

Dope sick, barely able to stand, I threw my leg over the bridge railing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw headlights. This storm was so bad even the natives were nestled in, all except for me and this one man in his car. I remember being pissed, thinking, “WTF???,” as I put my leg back down. He slowed down, just as he came upon me. His passenger side window was down, the street lamp illuminating his face.

Now, I don’t know if you believe in Angels or not but I sure do…NOW! This old white haired man, scraggly and I even think he was missing some teeth, smiled so warmly, the smile actually embraced me. I can’t explain it. I fell on my knees in the snow. There was a “Silent Scream” only heaven could hear. My tears almost froze to my face as I begged God for forgiveness. I also begged Him to help me, “Please God, I can’t do this anymore, please help me?”

I didn’t even say what it was that I needed help with but He knew. I’d tried to get help at the Hospital and for one, they told me I wasn’t sick enough to be admitted to the Hospital. Secondly, they said that both my husband and myself could not be admitted at the same time to the same Rehab. The intake evaluator guy was a real dick and offered no solution.

Neither one of us would dare leave the other out to fend for ourselves, especially considering I was my husbands meal ticket, I did all the dirty work which, to this day he readily admits. But they had shot us down anyway, as I said stating that we weren’t sick enough. I remember thinking how much I hated that guy just about the same time as I fell off the curb, cracking my head open on the bumper of a taxi cab (which I couldn’t even afford to take at the time and had to walk) because I was so weak I could hardly stand.

The Gift???

Well, it wasn’t all shiny or wrapped up in a big Pink or Red Bow. And it sure as hell wasn’t pretty. But God gave me a wonderful gift…He threw me, lock, stock and barrel, right into jail and then onto to my 2 1/2 to 5 year State Prison venture. It took some time for me to realize “The Gift.” It took a hot minute before I wasn’t so pissed off that I could spit nails. It took even longer for me to come to a realization that God had saved my life by throwing my sorry butt into Prison.

Bitter or Blessed???

Yes, good ol’ Mz. Karma Bitchslap™ gave me time to think and think and think. I’d been sentenced up to 5 years of my life for something I didn’t do, I just couldn’t prove it from where I was sitting. That’s a whole other story in itself but suffice it to say, I WAS GUILTY just not for the exact crime listed on the Indictment!

I’d done so many awful, God forsaken things, I deserved to be exactly where I was, I actually deserved Life. But how does one garner wisdom amongst the best criminals, insanest, meanest, nastiest people this world has to offer? You study them and yourself, which is exactly what I did. I turned the whole experience around, flipped the script and did everything I could to learn from it.

I took special notes concerning the fact that most of the inmates were there because of drugs, drinking, drug sales. I studied them, their behavior and I listened intently to what they had to say. As well, I was given the opportunity to go into a six month In-House Rehab Program called New Beginnings, while I was incarcerated. You are pretty much sequestered during this extremely strict program. I worked that bitch like my life depended on it, (which it actually did)all the while going through intense Interferon Treatment for Hep C.

So by going to prison, I broke the chain of heroin abuse, I broke the chain of domestic abuse that I’d endured for more than a decade and I think I broke the chain of events that led up to and facilitated a lot of my killing my self slowly behaviors. I even think I may have learned to like myself again. And it was all a Blessing, big time.

Again, it took a while to understand the mechanics of it all but I realize that most people that go in to prison come out one of two ways; Bitter or Blessed. Unfortunately, the majority come out real angry for having their lives disrupted and they’re surely not remorseful. In fact most are mad because they were caught.

For me, it was a time to stop and reflect, to learn and gain knowledge about myself as well as others; what makes them tick, what causes them to behave as they do and why do they continue in the same vein of unhappy addictions and addictive behaviors. These are all seen, in my eyes, as gifts.

I was also given a gift in the capacity to remember everything about how I felt and why I did things, especially concerning my teen years. I recall, collectively, what spurred me on to drugs-n-drinking. I now have the resounding collection of “Do Not’s” squarely fixed in my mind. If I was told;

Do Not Do Drugs
Do Not Drink
Do Not Have Sex
Do Not Share A Needle
Do Not Drink-n-Drive
Do Not Play With Guns
Do Not Go W/O Your Seat Belt…

I did it…and got addicted, got pregnant, got Hep C and on and frigin’ on.

Yes, it’s a gift that I can remember all this and have not burned out all my brain cells. I was in a really bad car accident(I was hit by two cars, drag racing, one head-on) when I was just 18. I had massive head trauma from going through the windshield. I was hurt badly enough they were going to put me in a Nursing Home. Besides the injuries that were visible, I had a terrible problem with short term memory loss.

My long term memory was not affected and I can even remember playing in my crib, climbing out and finding a bottle under my crib that was sour. I can also remember going for long walks with my Mom, in the stroller. To tide me over, my Mom would put chocolaty “*Metracal” in my bottle. It was a popular a diet drink back in the early sixties. The thing is, my Mom, who proudly exclaimed she followed the orders of “Dr. Spock” had me off the bottle by 18 months old. This means that I have memories of and before I was 18 months old.

The point is that, painful as it might be, I remember how I felt about things, especially as a teen. I mean, I can remember how hurt I was by the comments of boys like when they called me “Boobie Barbara” in 6th grade. As well I distinctly remember how I felt that I could not go to my Mom and Dad to talk about my personal problems and complexes, notable to a teen with such low self-esteem as I had. I felt fat and ugly, fueled by comments innocently spewed(I hope?) by my own Mother.

I was certainly not able to talk about sex and such. They were either too busy chasing the American Dream or had too many hang-ups themselves about personal issues. My own Mom was mean, hateful and beat the livin’ shit out of me on a daily basis. It’s no wonder I sought love in all the wrong places. They were “Unapproachable.”

The best advice I could give to any parent is to be aware of the doors of communication. Are they closed? That’s when you seem unapproachable or maybe you’re too busy with work and your children don’t feel they can come and talk to you about anything and everything. This is the exact spot, the very pinpoint to the beginning of the end.

See, when your kid can’t come to you and ask you anything or talk to you about what’s going on in their lives, the good, the bad and the ugly or you down play their emotions and you can bet your ass they have them, that’s when the problems begin. Now they’re going to go to their friends for advice and that sense of family. That’s when your daughter is going to seek counsel, love, whatever from some older guy.

You have to realize that their emotions run the gambit from desires to be older to emotional immaturity as in holding onto childhood behaviors. One day they’ll seem and believe that they’re all grown up while the next they’ll do something very childish and immature. But the thing you have to remember is that this is their emotions and they are really real.

You can not leave it up to the school system to raise your child. As well, you can not leave it up to the school system to teach your child about sex and drugs either. While D.A.R.E. is a good program, parents, you’ve still got to sit down with your kids and *talk to them about drugs, drinking, sex, peer pressure, cyber bullying, internet predators and unfortunately you’ve got to let them in on the very worst secret of all; That it is not all lollipops and cotton candy out there. There are people in this world that can and will harm them.

Do You Know Them???

Note the word “Talk.” Now, when you speak to your child, of course, you want to command respect. If you want a rapport with your children though you’ve got to be mindful of these doors of communication and are they open, always open, 24/7? And do you speak down to them? Speak over them? Speak above them?

The big question of the day is this; Do you really, really know your child? Does your child have a secret side for fear of chastisement, punishment or retribution? Do they have that secret side because you might not understand?

I don’t claim to be the sharpest peanut in the turd but I will say, if nothing else, I am observant. I see parents all the time, especially Mothers who treat their teens as equals, as a friend and are almost fearful of disciplining their child, expressly their adolescent children. These are quite often the Moms who want to be the “Cool Mom” on the block. They tend to look the other way rather than deal with the ginormous monstrosity that is their child.

I know all this because I was that Mom who wanted to be the “Cool Mom.” And because of my own addictive behaviors and thinking, I allowed my own kids to get high, in the bathroom, in my own home. I also taught my children all the finer things in life where it concerns being a good criminal.When they busted me, it was front page news and the headline read, something like, “Busted; Ma Barker & Her Boys.” I was shackled to my youngest son, for God’s sake. Does it get any badder than that?

“Let Go & Let God”

For those parents that have kids already down that road, going down Addiction Alley, I pray that you will find calm assurance and realize the power of prayer. I’ll pray that you see that you’ll have to allow them to fall before they can ever climb up. This is one of the absolute hardest things a Mom can go through because we can’t stand for our children to hurt. But the thing is, they’ve got to feel the burn, they’ve got to know that no one, short of God is going to save them. They’ve got to feel the repercussions of their actions or they’ll continue to carry on, every day, in the same way. You’ve got to stay in prayer and allow them to hit their own personal bottom, now, before it’s too late.

Open 24/7

If you are a parent of a pre-teen or teenager, I hope you will see the relevance of and awareness of those doors of communication, that I mentioned before. And I want you to take a long hard look at what is really important in this life; Is it that American Dream you keep chasing? You know the one where you think that both of you need to work over time to keep that second SUV in the garage, have a t.v. in every room, give your kid the best of the best, a cell phone, computer and on and on. But check this out: You work over time to get all this crap that you must ask yourself, “Do I really need all this to define happiness?”

Yes, you have to work over time and then you feel guilty for it so you think you’ll compensate your kid by buying them all the things you didn’t have growing up. But for real, what they need is YOU, not all this BS you work so hard to get.

The pitch line here is this; Parents, your children need you. Are you really there for them? Do you really know your child?

Hypethetically Speaking;

Did you know that a 23 year old guy is talking to your daughter, online and treats her all grown up and tells her how he desires her so badly?
(He wants to meet her and is trying to talk her into it. She’s scared but wants to be desired by somebody, anybody. She believes she’s ugly so she’s just ecstatic because somebody has taken an interest in her.)

Did you know that your son has been driving around with his pals, getting drunk in order to fit in with the rest of the football team?
(I mean he just wants to be accepted but he’s playing with death)

Did you know that the reason your daughter is so thin is because she’s Anorexic?
(Yea, she was a bit chubby and the kids made fun of her, especially the boys)

Did you know that your child’s failing grades are because she’s caught up with a group of girls, “The Stoners?”
(She was doing fairly well but because of her low self-esteem she wanted to be accepted into the cliche of girls, you know the bad ones who’ll steer her wrong. Those girls are not the prettiest or brightest so she feels safe amongst them because they really can’t put her down. She’ll start skipping school so she can hang out at that friends house who’s Mom, a single mother, is always at work and they can party at her house and not get caught)

There are so many, “Do You Know’s” you must ask yourself, about your child. And I could go on forever but suffice it to say, it’s preventive medicine if you try to get to really know your child, reach out to them and let them know that they have permission to come to you about anything, especially before they do it.

Take A Look!

Your kids are less apt to seek out that sense of family, if they are still getting it at home. Take A Look! If you want them to learn about this life’s ups and downs and why they should or shouldn’t do something, you’d better assume the role of parent and teach them yourself. Take A Look!

If you want them to understand that drugs-n-drinking just might take them down, you’d better teach them yourself. But it’s not good enough to simply say, “Now, don’t you do this or that.” No, you’ve got to explain why and a 5 minute talk on the subject is not going to do. You’ve got to explain how they can get out of the situation if they are offered drugs or any illicit behavior.

Your best bet is to arm yourself with an understanding of addiction and addictive behaviors. I suggest you study all you can on the subject so you may be armed with an educated opinion on the subject.

Teaching them to “Just Say No to Drugs” is not enough. What I mean by this is while the school system teaches them some on the subject, they don’t know your child, what makes them who they are and what might cause them to turn to drugs/drinking. That is a question you must ask yourself before it happens. That is pertinent to you and your child and something you must face together.

Don’t make the stupid mistake of assuming that your child will never mess around with drugs and/or drinking. It’s safer to say that they will be faced with it and just telling them to, again, “Just Say No to Drugs” is not enough. You’ve got to delve into the subject, the meat of the whole shabang. And that entails letting them know, showing them what happens when you play with fire; you will get burned.

Your best stance, to take might be to let them know that getting high is an escape they may never be able to escape from. Tell them that if they do have an addictive personality and they do try drugs, it will ruin their lives. Notice that I didn’t say “might ruin their lives.” Drugs will most certainly place your kid on the road of self destruction. They’ve got to know why it’s so dangerous to try; They may think they love it, need it and will then do anything to get it. That’s the truth of the matter.

Speak to them now, before it’s too late!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

*1950s through the ’70s:

Metracal was the first weight-loss shake product, adapted from baby formula by Mead Johnson
Nutritionals. It was wildly successful. The company also marketed Metracal cookies. Metracal is now off
the market.
Source; Whatever Happened To…
History of Diets

Written by Staff & Ask Aunt B at 3:24 PM
Labels: Anorexia, D.A.R.E., Doors of Communication, Drugs, Drugs and Drinking
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