Aunt Babz Free Advice

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This is Your Life

Sunday, June 1, 2008

This is Your Life

Dear Aunt B,

I am a new reader and found your site through Google. You were the only site I came across that truly offered advice for free, I commend you.

My name is Jeremy and I’m 26 years old. I have a wife of four years and a three year old daughter, both were blessings in my life. My problem is my best friend Ben. Ben and I grew up together, we met in high school and played sports, dated and had alot of really goofy experiences together. We were inseparable.

When I met my wife and we started getting really serious, we moved in together to an apartment across town. Not far away, maybe ten minutes from Ben. We still called and played golf, did guy stuff together. When I told him I was marrying her, his response was supportive but not much else. Not even a congratulations.

Ben and I didn’t talk alot when my daughter was born. I was worried about working as much as I could to keep as much money in my bank account to provide for them, I really never thought about Ben as much as I should have. He still came over to my house to watch movies or go out to a bar for a couple of hours, play golf together once in a while.

Ben met someone about a year ago. I kept asking to meet her but he always had some excuse. He called me one day about a month later telling me to get my best man speech ready because he was going to ask her to marry him. I had never met this girl. I told him to come to the bar with me so I could give him some advice on getting married. He says okay but don’t tell your wife, I’m bringing (his girl) so you can meet her. I told him I wasn’t going to lie to my wife, I just wasn’t coming if that’s the way he wanted it.

So he begged and I brought my wife along anyway. We’re sitting at dinner and I’m watching this girl treat my best friend like he was a little child. Wiping his face with a napkin and picking up some of his food for him. I didn’t like the way he seemed, all I know is that Ben wasn’t the guy I had known for 10+ years. The next day we met for a beer after work and he asked me what I thought of his girl. I was straight with him that I didn’t like the way she treated him and that he should really think about what he was doing in marrying this girl.

He threw a ten dollar bill down on the table and tried to walk out. I caught him by his arm and told him this wasn’t over, he was going to stay and talk about this with me. He still took off and that’s the last time we really spoke.

We recently started emailing which is a good step, although now he won’t email me back. I found out thru these emails that he never really liked my wife and the speech he gave as my best man was all lies…actually his fiance’ told me that. I feel like I owe it to him to be there on his big day, which is now 6 weeks away. I have tried to get him to meet me somewhere to talk about things and where they went wrong and to no avail.

I feel like we have too much history to abandon this lost cause because he just doesn’t get it. What can I do, if anything? Thank you for listening.

Dear Jeremy,

I thank ya kindly for the compliment. We are unique, are we not? We’ve all been down a few roads and I know I was rode hard and put away wet. Now, if we can help someone have a little easier ride, well, I guess that’s what it’s all about. Plus, I still owe Mz. Karma Bitchslap™, some good before I go.

Well my Dear Jeremy, I’m gonna tell you just like I might if you were one of my own. I have three sons and an adopted daughter, 7 grandchildren and one great-grandchild, all of which find themselves in the corner, from time to time, me chewing their ear, maybe even boxing them. Yes, I have always carried a big stick and at 49, I can still dance. I tell it like it is and I will treat you like family. That gives me the inalienable right to cut to the chase, to hell with the democracy. Welcome to the Family…

First, I want to make you aware that I can see that you are grateful for your wife and child, you see them as blessings while others may take it all for granted. With a continued appreciative heart and a conscience effort to always be thankful, you will be one step ahead of this program. Too many of us can’t appreciate the water till the well runs dry, right? Selah

If you’ve read anything, that I’ve written here, you’ll notice a recurring theme or method to my madness; I try to put things into perspective. After all, life and love is all a matter of perspective and how we choose to look at things. Hopefully, we choose to look for the good in people, first and have an optimistic heart. This equates, to me anyway as, well you know, some people say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, right? Personally, I’m just grateful for the water and you must be too. Selah

You know that good friends are hand picked family and sometimes you must strive for that unconditional love, unconditional understanding, afforded to family.

I do believe that Ben is part of your handpicked family and you may have to just let him be Ben. You’ll have to choose to over look some things, things that might not sit well with you. Yes, even if you feel she may not be right for him, he’ll have to walk down “his road” and I’m hoping you’ll walk on the berm along side him.

You do know the power of a woman on a man? Many men would never admit that power. Yes, a woman does wield the power to make or break a guy. As well, I say there is “a good woman is behind every great man.” The thing is though, in the dark of night, in the wee hours of the morn, at your final moment on this earth, it will be that woman next to you and not your best friend.

Perspective

He didn’t care for your wife, did he? You may never have known this had you not drawn “first blood.” What I imply is that without realizing it, you may have started this fight.

Your buddy Ben, is a different man when he is with her, you do know this, don’t you? And don’t you think, if he didn’t like her coddling and so on, you know the kind of stuff that makes you throw up in your mouth, is he not man enough to stop her or tell her he doesn’t like it? Read that again.

Although Ben is behaving, so far from the guy you know and love as a brother, she may be just what the Doctor ordered. She may fulfill what he needs in those wee hours, in the dark of night. And if he’s not man enough to tell her he doesn’t like her doing these things, especially in front of his friends, well he must sit in his own shit, till he decides to man up and say how badly it stinks. Who knows what’s in the hearts of men? Yes, a woman does have this ability to change the rules of the game.

In some ways, you see it as belittling, you know, wiping his mouth and so on but he may very well love every minute of it? So, somehow you’ve got to find it in your heart to be happy for your friend and assume that he does like things just as they are.

Now, if we assume that he does like things just as they are, would you, if the tables were turned, not find offense in your best friend implying that you are not man enough to stand up for himself against the evil which lurks in the heart of woman? Would you not be hurt that your friend didn’t try to understand and be happy for you? Furthermore, would it not piss you off, if your friend asserted his opinion on the matter and put his two cents in where it would be perceived that it didn’t belong?

I know and you know that you only have his best interests at heart. But life is much like a book with it’s twists and turns, it’s comedy and tragedy, it’s plot and the plot has just thickened. Yes, Ben has opened a new chapter in his book, one where he has re-invented himself and it’s not someone your recognize.

When you went onto another chapter, in your book, “This is Your Life,” Ben didn’t really recognize you at first either. He contemplated and wondered where he fit in in this new equation, this new chapter. Do you want to know how many times Ben asked himself, “What the hell does he see in her?” He also wondered where his best friend had gone and told himself that his feelings were unfounded and he didn’t have the right to resent your new wife for stealing, his best buddy. Did you know that Ben was a bit lost and didn’t know what to do with himself, after she took you? Your wedding day was not his best day but he tried to smile and get through it. He tried to be happy for you and accept things as they are and were. Yes, Ben often looked in the mirror and told himself what a real asshole he was being for faking his smile that day. He stood in front of that mirror, many times before and after your wedding day, searching his soul for the right feelings.

Life is too short for the dumb shit. Real friends are few and far between. They often go the wayside when you do open a new chapter, especially one where they no longer have anything in common. True friends, not associates, you know the ones that, as I said before are hand picked family, are the only ones that last, the only ones that will be *Pallbearers at your funeral.

Do you want Ben to be a Pallbearer and would you be one at his funeral? OK, it sounds a bit morbid but ask yourself this, would it be a lie to carry his casket or his yours? Would it be filled with lies if he were to give a Eulogy at your wake?

Write your friend, one more email and give him his Eulogy, today. Say what needs to be said. Search your soul for the right words. Search your soul for some semblance of happiness and understanding for your friend. Most of all, well, I’m going to just say it; You do owe him even a slice of an apology. Look at this pie and see why you want that slice, ok?

Yes, life is far too short for the dumb shit, as I said but it’s never ever too late to do the right thing, right this minute. Jeremy, if you live your life today, like tomorrow will be your last and say what needs to be said but weigh your words first, you’ll really live.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

*A pallbearer is one of several funeral participants who helps carry the casket of a deceased person from a religious or memorial service or viewing either directly to a cemetery or mausoleum, or to and from the hearse which does so.

A pall is the heavy cloth that is draped over a coffin. Hence the metaphoric term “casting a pall” on a gathering of people, by announcing bad news to the group. By metonymy, the term “pallbearer” is used to signify someone who bears the coffin which the pall covers.

Posted by Ask Aunt B at 6:22 AM 0 comments Links to this post
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June 1, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Advice, Choices, Family Issues, Personal Relationships, Perspective | , , , , , , , , , , | No Comments

You Have to Kiss a Few Frogs

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

You Have to Kiss A Few Frogs

Dear Aunt B,

I came across your site and i think your advice is really clever and helpful so i decided to write.I am almost 25 and I’ve never had a relationship.I met guys at college but they were only after a quick one and nothing else.I rejected them at the time thinking that that is how college guys function and i didn’t really mind.I graduated from college in November 2006 and came back to my hometown.I thought that things would be different.Wrong!It’s really hard to meet new people here.Only two guys,who i met by mutual friends,flirted with me:one was,as i later found out,interested in my money(i am not rich,i just have a steady job and he doesn’t) and the other one wanted sex and he already has a girlfriend.I don’t know what to do,i feel that i”ll never meet a decent guy.A friend of mine suggested that i move to a bigger city (she did that after grad)as our town is a bit trashy.She has met lots of people and she’s having a great time.I don’t know what to do.
Dear Reader,

First off, I wanted to comment on your good taste, in choosing our site, lol! We appreciate any good constructive criticism and compliments so I do thank you from the entire staff here at Aunt B’s. We really do try to counsel as if you were family, sitting across from us having coffee like two good friends. It works somehow?!

Now, back to our regularly scheduled program…

I’m not sure I have a real or definite answer for you but it is my observation that guys are similar everywhere you go; you have your good and your bad apples in every barrel across the U.S. and I’m sure, abroad. You have to be aware that there are some good ones out there and he’s sitting there wondering where you are, as well. I see him. You just must be wary and do not be discouraged.

See, guys are hardwired differently than us. The bad ones don’t want a real relationship, are out to get as much booty call time in, as is humanly possible, you know, love ‘em and leave ‘em. The good guys must fend off the typical male ego stuff and be for real and that’s exactly what it is, being a real man doing only what they want done to themselves. In example, a guy who sleeps with anything that’s not pinned down is considered “one heck of a guy” and might even be envied by his male buddies. If a woman does the same thing, she’s a slut. Am I right or am I right? Yes, the world is full of double standards and that’s just one of them but you get the point.

A “Real Man” lives by the creed of doing to others as he would have done to him, as I mentioned and often do in these posts. He isn’t afraid to be sensitive and let you know when you’ve hurt him or equally when you’ve pleased him. Quite often, he’s not concerned with what his male counterparts think of him. He’s not full of false bravado and doesn’t feel the need to prove he’s a man. He’s appreciative of women and simply stated, he understands that it takes two to tango, he can’t make the world go round without them and respects a woman as his equal. Yes, he realizes there are physical differences and he’s rather appreciative of those differences. He also knows for certain that behind every great man is a damn good woman.

Having said all that, even in a place called Sugar Grove, Pa., the “Sweetest Lil Town on the Map,” with it’s population of 613 as of the year 2000, (I happened to have lived there in the 70’s), there’s going to be a few good and real men. Don’t be hasty and realize that you have to kiss a few frogs to find your Prince.

So you become proactive in your search. Maybe look on the Internet, at some of the dating sites for guys in your area. A word to the wise; If you look in a bar for Mr. Right, you’ll more often than not find a Mr. Wrong/Alcoholic/Pick-Up Artist/Booty Caller/Playa/Pimp Daddy/Beer Muscled/Meat Head.

You must look at this just as you would, a life study or even a job interview. What I mean is, let’s say, you’re applying for a job as a construction worker. You wouldn’t wear a suit and tie for that interview. No, most likely, you’d dress the part wearing jeans, T-Shirt, steel toed boots and maybe even a tool belt. If you want a job as a nurse or aide, even if it’s not an actually nursing uniform or scrubs, it’d be smart to wear white. Why? Because the employer can now envision you in the job, in the role and they can see it and you in that role. Don’t ask me why or how this works but it does.

Similarly, think about what kind of guy, personality wise, hobby wise and so on that you would like to date and hopefully become serious with. What sort of man is he? I mean, delve into your own persona and look deep within yourself. In your mind, shop for Mr. Right, actually see him, in your mind. You know, is he smart, is he thin or muscular, does he have dark hair etc. etc.? Then, ask yourself, where is he? Where does he go on Friday or Saturday night? Maybe he goes to Church on Sunday morn?

You will find him, at the right place and the right time, you need only to ask these questions and put up your radar. Yes, if you do want a guy who goes out with his buddies on Friday night with the agenda of picking up chicks, who cares what your name is, then by all means, go to the bar or club and he’ll be there. However, if you want a guy who enjoys spending a quiet night, watching a good flick, eating popcorn, you just might find him at Blockbuster or your neighborhood video store. (Hint Hint)

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

*Sugar Grove, Pa **Freecycle

Posted by Ask Aunt B at 12:16 PM
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May 28, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | No Comments

Measure of a True Friend

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Measure of a True Friend

dear x ,
i have one problem.My best friend is going out with the school screw up. He takes drugs and he is in a gang. should i tell my friend he is so wrong for her ?

sincerely,
Lost in friendship and relationship

Dear Lost,

The measure of a true friend is telling us the things that we don’t want to hear, but also to be supportive when we disagree. Somewhat contradictory huh?

Do you know for sure that he takes drugs? Do you know for sure that he is part of a gang? Or is this just common perception? Sometimes the biggest mistake you can make is to prematurely judge a person. So make sure your concern is valid, or you just might lose your friend.

Essentially what I think holds true though, is that if you are true friends you should be able to voice your concern about this guy, but also be open to accept her decision. And sometimes that is really difficult when it puts the person you care for in a bad situation.

You should tell your friend that you are concerned and try not to vent off on how bad this guy is for her, this will only make her defensive and mad. Just be honest with her, and hopefully she will show you if you are wrong, or take your advice and get out of that relationship.

Good Luck with the talk,

~Xmichra.

Posted by Ask Aunt B at 11:47 AM
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May 28, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Advice, Choices, Empowerment, Empowerment Practices, Personal Relationships, Perspective, Teen Issues | , , , , | No Comments

Another Rite of Passage

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Another Rite of Passage


Hey Aunty!


I am having a big problem I can’t express it to anyone but then I thought to myself I could ask an adviser well then here it is!

This is the first year I move to my new school and its awesome but from the start I have had a crush on this boy. It started out with a crush and I thought I would get over him like any other guy that a girl has a crush on. This guy is different it’s the first time that I truly love a guy! We have so much in common, we talk on the phone a lot, we talk in school a lot, and everyone tells me that he loves me and that he flirts with me and the way he looks at me is as if he is in love with me. I agree with them but I disagree at the same time. I disagree and feel as if he doesn’t like me because he has a girlfriend she is in another school I really get annoyed when he talks about her cause I wish I was in her place. I also get annoyed cause she is a really bad girl and I am the good girl type! Like when I say good girl I mean good girl ! I really like this guy and I feel we have so much in common! This is the first time in my life that I love a guy ! He trusts me a lot I am like his best friend so I don’t really want to ruin our relationship. Please help me ! I want to be with this guy and I want us to remain together for life! I want him to be mine and all mine! I want us to be the best couple of history. ! Aunt B please help me !!! I really like this guy please help me !

Please reply as soon as possible…

Veronica !!HELP!!


Dear Veronica,

Read what Halena wrote. It is a better starting point. I am possibly jumping the gun, going to the next level…

Well, just because you are a “nice girl” does not mean you can’t be assertive. It’s the difference between the girls and the women, the difference between the ones who get what they need and the ones that’ll only cry about it.

Now, let me point out one of the unspoken rules of thumb here; People will do to you, only what you will allow them to do. A vast number of guys would love to have their cake and eat it too. And this means that he will keep two girlfriends, only if you allow it.

Now, you can’t force him to have feelings he does not for you, right? But if he does care for you as deeply as you believe, he must understand that he should treat you exactly as he’d want to be treated. If you were dating another guy, in a different school, how would he feel? Would he continue to go out with you, all the while knowing that you have another boyfriend? I’ll answer that for you; It’s rather doubtful that he would contend with you seeing another guy and I do believe he would let you know. It’s just how the ball bounces.

I will say it again; People will do to you, only what you will allow them to do.

Being a good girl is commendable but being a pushover is not, remember this! You can always continue to be that good girl just simply make a stand, make your feelings obvious and assert what you will and will not tolerate. Always!

While it is important for people to know where you stand, it is equally important for them to know what you will not stand for.

My suggestion is for you to have a little talk with your beau and get to the core, the crux of things and where you stand. Then, you make him aware of what you will not tolerate.

Does that sound a bit stern? Maybe but it’s all in the approach. As I stated before, you can’t make him have certain feelings, right? You can’t make him love you and you sure as heck can’t make him give up his other girlfriend, now can you?

But, But, But…you can make it clear that you’d like to define things, understand where you stand with him. You can ask him to see things from your perspective and put it into terms he might see the light through;

“While I have no right or business telling you how you should feel, I do have the right to my own happiness. I will not be toyed with and I will never play second fiddle. So, I will tell you that I care a lot about you and I think you might care about me. However, would you continue to see me, talk to me on the phone and so on, fully knowing I have another boyfriend in another school?”

Another Rite of Passage

All through your life, Veronica, you must learn to assert and state your needs. You must say what needs to be said. Yes, my creed, “Say what I mean, mean what I say and try not to say it too mean, ” are words to live by. This separates the women from the girls. In any relationship whether it be this one or with the man you will marry, you must always state your needs.

Never assume that your partner knows what’s what. Never assume that they will always do the right thing. Sometimes you must, in stating your needs, let them know what you will or will not tolerate in that quest for everyday happiness.


More often than not, you have to put things into perspective for your guy. Just because you’re in the dating phase does not mean that he can continue to see other girls. Yes, it’s an extremely gray area, what’s right and wrong when it comes to defining that spot where you go from a simple date to that all defining moment where you might begin to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. So, as there’s no training manual, (that I know of) or rule book with the definitions clearly stated, how bout we take a look at this?

  • First of all, it says a whole lot if a guy goes out on a date with another girl when he’s supposedly in an established relationship, right? Take a close look at that.
  • Secondly, if the guy does go out on a date with you, even an unofficial date and he calls you more than once, I would tend to think he likes you. If he continues to talk to you, continues to call, you’ve gone well beyond that first stage of dating. I do believe you have what might be called an “established relationship.”
  • Third, in an established relationship, where a guy is, for a lack of better words, “courting you,” it says a whole lot if you allow him, knowingly, to continue entertaining you as well as another girl. It reads loud and clear, that you will allow it.
  • Lastly, your guy is not a mind reader, is he? Since I don’t believe he is, you will have to plainly state that you are not the kind of girl that will tolerate two-timing. In other words, you must clearly state your right to happiness. In that right, you tell him while you realize that you can’t make him do anything, say anything and you surely can’t make him feel something that is not there, if he does have any semblance of feelings for you, you are not the kind of girl that will allow a guy to two-time her.

Yes, you make it crystal clear that you are not asking him to choose. You make it more than clear though, that it’s all up to him but he should not call you or talk to you if he wants to see this other girl. You state that it’s not fair to either of you, now is it?

Here’s the clincher, as the plot thickens; Once you have stated how you feel and he does not stop seeing her, talking to her, courting her, entertaining her, etc. etc. then it is a statement as to his own values and beliefs. It will be more than clear that he wants his cake and to eat it too; two girlfriends.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

Dear Veronica,

I would continue being his good friend. Then, start off with a simple touch here and there and gauge his response. As in, let’s say you’re sitting next to him and you are laughing and you touch his arm or back and see how he acts. That is kind of intimate but also innocent. Then, watch his reaction because there will probably be a reaction. If he thinks nothing of it, do it again and again but not too much so he won’t feel uncomfortable, just in case.

If he seems receptive, next time try playfully putting your arm around him, around his waist or neck and then see what happens. You have to make it innocent, not being pushy or like you have an agenda as you don’t want to ruin your friendship. By the way, every great relationship, long term, starts off in friendship first.

After doing this, it may make him think as to who he wants to be with, you or her? It might also help him to make his move, knowing that you two are into each other. If all else fails, knowing that you can still be his best friend, be waiting in the wings for that opportunity, if he breaks up with her.

On Your Side,

Halena


Posted by Ask Aunt B at 9:40 AM
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May 28, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Advice, Choices, Empowerment, Empowerment Practices, Personal Relationships, Perspective, Teen Issues, Teen Problems | , , , , , , , | No Comments

Confession Time, Inc.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Confession Time, Inc.


In an effort to bring about total healing, the Staff here at Ask Aunt Babz, welcome you to check out and maybe even confess on our new site, Confession Time, Inc.

This is a new site which gives you the opportunity to purge your soul, confess your sins, off load the grimy crime and get it all off your chest. Big or Small, we’ll take it all!

Click the button on the sidebar and 1,2,3 bada bing bada boom, you email and I’ll post your confession.

See, it’s cathartic to just get it out and let it go. Sometimes, things feel so bad, you know, what you did or said seemed so God awful but you feel you can’t tell anybody. Right?

Here at Confession Times, we won’t judge or hold a grudge. It’s all about Tame the Shame and Blame Game. See, guilt, shame, blame and the likes, especially anger will eat you up inside. It’s not healthy, it’s not conducive to your personal happiness and it’ll all kill you…one minute, one second at a time. Slow and steady.

So, long story short, it’s a good exercise to confess, to get it all out. We encourage you to email us and we’ll post your confession.

How It Works

You click one of the buttons on the sidebar and email us. All emails are/will be confidential. In the event that you really want anonymity and don’t even want us to know your email address, I might suggest Mailinator. No gimmicks, no sign-up, just straight email disposable address.

Welcome To Confession Time, Inc.

May 6, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Advice, Choices, Empowerment, Empowerment Practices, Perspective | , , , , , | No Comments

Your Life

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Your Life

Editors Note; This is one of the most painful posts I’ve had to deal with, up and to this point. This is an updated situation that was first addressed several months ago. You may read the initial post, “You Hold the Key,” to fully understand the ramifications of this powerful and perplexing question.


Dear Aunt B,

Do you remember me? If you don’t, I guess I could just refresh your memory a little bit. A little under a year ago, I think, I emailed you because I had problems with my father and I was taken away. I need a little more advice, if you don’t mind helping me again.

My new foster parents said I could visit my mother because she is on her medication. I really do want to see her, but I am extremely nervous about it. My mom had an accident where she fell and had some brain damage, so some of her memory is gone, which means that she doesn’t really remember anything about the way my father has treated us both recently. I know she really loved my father, and that fact that she doesn’t remember anything doesn’t really help me much. Because she loved him so much, I have a feeling in my gut that she wouldn’t believe me if I told her what he has done. How could I explain to her why I can’t live with her anymore, and why my father is in jail? Is there any way to do this without completely crushing her and putting her into another spiral of depression, or without coming to completely hating me for what I did?

I am sort of getting the feeling like I tore my family apart, and to my mom, for no reason at all. With my mom’s loss of memory its almost like a completely new slate, and I would love if the thought my father’s actions did not have to be in my mom’s head, but I just don’t know what to do at this point. Can you help me at all?

Dear Friend,

This whole thing has broken my heart from day one. I have prayed that you will find happiness, understanding and ultimately, forgive your father for what he has done. That is a tall order, for what he did to you was beyond any reasonable persons ability to forgive. As well, I am more than happy that you were able to get out of that situation.

But my Dear, you are a very special girl, I just know this and your heart is huge. You may suffer for this, all the days of your life but you are one of the “good people,” the few, the proud, left walking this earth. That sounds rough, huh? Don’t ever change that, ok? Another tall order.

I also pray that you have been able to get into counseling? All that you have been through, you need to work through it all, sift through the ashes and begin to build yourself back up again. I strongly suggest that you seek counseling, if you have not, up to this point. You’ve gone through so much at such a tender age and I would love to know that you did not have to go through all this alone. Now, if you have not asked for some form/sort of counseling, I really suggest that you insist upon it.

This is a rather complex situation with twists and turns, bumps and mountains. I have every confidence in you, that you will climb and stand at the top of this mountain of pain. You are stronger than you even realize. As well, you have the heart of a giant, the soul of an Angel and the personality of a cool summer breeze. I would simply ask that you use all the resources available to keep that intact. Yes, a woman is only as good as her tools so you must use your tools. In counseling, you’ll possibly learn coping skills and attain a strategy to enable you to put all this painful stuff behind you.

I am holding your hand through this. You’ve walked through the fire, a fire I know all too well. The wonderful thing about this is the fact that you made it through that fire, forged into a young woman, tempered as gold is tempered. Mark my words, you will be a better woman for all this and all things happen for a reason. If you remember this, you can move on to the next Chapter, in this book;
Your Life.

My concern, at this juncture is, and I hate to repeat myself, but are receiving counseling? No, you don’t have to be crazy to go for counseling, a woman is only as good as her tools, right? You must use every available resource/tool to help you in this life, your life. What you have gone through, in these few years, in your young life, is absolutely horrific. I am more than sorry that you had to go through all this and it pains me to know that you might be scarred by it all.
*Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. Let go and let God deal with your father.

I’d told you before that you are the key, you have the key and you must use that key. You still possess that key. It is emblazoned on your heart. You must use it to let go, let God and forgive, just for starters.

Forgiveness is a huge word, isn’t it?

Forgiveness;

    The act or an instance of forgiving: absolution, amnesty, condonation, excuse, pardon, remission. Seeforgiveness/vindictiveness.

To forgive someone is to forswear resentment, anger, or other reactions to their having done something that justifies such responses. The philosophical problem is that this is apparently treating them better than they deserve; but how can it be a requirement, or even be permissible, to treat someone in any other way than as they deserve? The advice of Augustine, that we hate the sin but not the sinner also suggests an objective or impersonal attitude towards the sinner, as if the character of the agent is only accidentally connected with the hatefulness of his or her actions, and it has been argued, notably by Strawson, that this objective stance is inconsistent with full recognition of the personhood of others.

Yes, it’s not easy but I believe you’ve already begun the journey down this path. Some people might even question me telling you this and even ask the question;

“How can she forgive her father for what he has done to her?”

We must always treat others as we would want to be treated. What your father did to you is and was reprehensible and just about unforgivable. I’m sorry to say but I don’t give two s**ts in hell about your father. But I do care about you and your welfare, your healing and your rise above all this.

My suggestion to you is two fold;

I would ask you to seek counseling and bring up these issues, especially concerning how to deal with your Mother. I would also suggest that you speak to whomever it is that your Mother is in counseling with and seek their opinion as to how to proceed. It’s a bit much for you to have to deal with all you’ve gone through and still have to worry about hurting your Mom. She must be in the care of a Physician, right? So, I think it would be wise of you to speak with them and quite possibly they can help you deal with this issue in a treatment setting?

Most of all, I wish that you would not be strapped with all this guilt, you wear so passionately. None of this is your fault. Read that again; None of this is your fault! You should have never been subjected to what you were put through. Your father will one day answer for his behavior and I dare say, I would not want to be in his shoes.

Please hear me and ask your Foster Parents to get you into some form of treatment. You’ve been through far too much to bear the brunt of all this alone. If for some reason you feel you can’t ask them, then I suggest that you go to your school Guidance Counselor. They will steer you in the right direction and it is their job to take note of a situation.

I am not passing the buck, as they say, when it comes to answering your question. I simply do not feel you should go through this alone. Many of us have suffered through molestation, rape and abuse. You are not alone, in that respect but you do have to live within your own skin and I want you to like you. Right now, I think, just simply gathered from your words alone, that you don’t care too much for yourself. You carry a tremendous amount of guilt around, guilt that you should not wear.

Guilt, much like anger, will eat you up inside. It can and will affect you the rest of your life, unless…you work through it, look at it and see that it does not serve you. You must see that it does not look good on you, you don’t wear it well and it is choking you. Do whatever it takes to get it off you, throw it away, burn it.

Be good to yourself, please? I have the feeling that your pain, what you’ve gone through will help others, in the end. So, take what you’ve gone through, work through any anger, pain, guilt, shame and tame it all. Allow it all to empower you, to make you stronger. Own it before it owns you, ok?

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

*”Vengeance is mine saith the Lord!”

“for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

God did not say vengeance is ours. He said vengence is His. If we want to be on the receiving end of God’s blessings and favors, we have to truly understand what it means to give it completely over to the Lord.

“Do not say I’ll pay you back for this wrong! Wait for the Lord, and He will deliver you.” Proverbs 20:22

    Posted by Ask Aunt B at 9:57 AM
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    April 30, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Uncategorized | , , , | No Comments

    Lesson of a Lifetime

    Thursday, April 17, 2008

    Lesson of a Lifetime

    Dear Aunt Babz,

    This requires a little bit of history…I’m totally lost here, so forgive me if I seem to be writing a book. I’ve changed all the names for the sake of privacy. My girlfriend, Miranda, and I have been dating for only six weeks, but we’ve been good friends for a year or so before that. Originally, she was chasing after me, but since we’ve started dating I’ve fallen fast and hard for her. However, we agreed to take things slow and have not done anything other than quick kisses…not even French kissing. Her best friend, Jayden, lives in England (we live in America), and her best American friend is named Alexi — I know Alexi better than Jayden, but I talk to both of them often, at least a few times a week. Alexi, Miranda and I all work together. At work, we have three assistant managers; usually we work under a woman named Jess. She’s very well liked and trusted by everyone.

    Saturday afternoon, Miranda tried to call out of work for that night. That morning, Jason, her sister’s fiance, hit Meg, her sister. They lived together and always seemed to be fighting, but this was the first time he physically abused her. Both Meg and Jason have rage issues. Meg left Jason, and moved in with Miranda and her parents. Miranda wanted to be there for her sister, and knew that we could get by without her at work that night. Jess would not let her call out, and insisted that she come in. I was text messaging Miranda at the same time, and I told her not to bother coming in. I told her she doesn’t need this job (I’m pretty wealthy and would definitely take care of her — since we’ve started dating I’m sure I’ve already spent over $1,000 on her; she knows that is no matter to me and that I would do anything for her). I told her to do what she needed to do, and be with her family.

    She ended up coming into work, and was the maddest I’ve ever seen her. She went into the back and punched a locker, and was not in a good mood at all. Jess saw how upset she was and let her leave early. I could not leave what I was doing. Looking back, I should’ve abandoned my job and run to her before she left. I definitely spoke to her every time she walked past, but I didn’t act as concerned as I felt. I let her go, I think. I think that was my mistake.

    After leaving work, I learned she did not go home. She talked to Jayden (British best friend) and told her that there was no point in living. She was going to drive into a telephone pole. According to Jayden, she went on for a good fifteen minutes and was genuinely serious. Jayden asked what was wrong but never got an answer. Jayden didn’t even know about the Jason and Meg situation. Jayden called Alexi in hysterics — being in England, she couldn’t do much but knew Alexi might have a bigger impact. Alexi came into work and told me what Miranda told Jayden. Both of us were obviously worried, but Miranda did not respond to either of us. We didn’t want to betray Miranda’s trust of Jayden, so we tried to seem concerned without letting on that we knew.

    Miranda and Meg came in to work later that night and did a bit of shopping. Miranda talked to me, everything seemed normal. I didn’t ask any questions other than if she was okay. I figured there was more to this situation that she just wasn’t comfortable telling me. I wanted to give her space. She seemed ok, introduced me to Meg, and everything was as good as I could expect. I didn’t know how to act, really, so I might’ve seemed a little awkward, but I would think that’s understandable.

    The next day, Sunday, Miranda and I were supposed to hang out. I go to college during the week and come home on the weekends, so Sunday night we always get together before I head back to school. I sent her a message when I was leaving work that I would see her soon — all I got back was “I can’t go out.” I said that’s fine, you need to do what you have to do and I understand that you want to be there for your family. I got no answer back. I called her that night, maybe seven hours later, and she didn’t answer her phone. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay, and I left a message saying so. That one message, “I can’t go out,” was all I’ve heard from her in the last four days.

    I asked Alexi what was going on. A few hours after telling me that she could not go out, Miranda asked Alexi if she wanted to play tennis. Alexi turned her down — she had too much homework and didn’t have the time. This seemed odd to me, but I figured Miranda just had something on her mind she didn’t feel comfortable talking about with me. Monday night, the two of them worked together and Alexi told me that they had a good talk. She didn’t want to tell me what it was about, but she said it had nothing to do with me. I was not the issue. Miranda also spoke with Jess, and all Jess told me was that I need to give her space, and that Miranda’s “never been in this situation before.” I have no idea what’s going on, and I just don’t know what to do.

    Her ex-boyfriend raped her a few months ago, that’s one of the main reasons why we’re moving so slowly. All I can figure is that something brought up those memories, and consequently, she’s afraid to love me or be close to me.

    I’ve been texting or calling her once a day, just so that she knows I’m here and I still care. She won’t answer me, and I don’t know why. Even if she just said “I don’t want to talk right now,” that would be a lot better than nothing. I just don’t know what to do or what to think or where to turn. My grades in school are really suffering because of this — I can’t concentrate at all. Last night was the first time since this began that I slept at all, and even then it was only for two hours.

    I arranged for a meeting with my school counselor next week. I just don’t know what to do.

    Any thoughts, suggestions or comments? Please. Anything at all is greatly appreciated.

    Thank you so much.
    Lover_in_distress

    Dear Lover_in_distress,

    It is not easy to try and figure someone out, especially when they are acting really uncharacteristic of themselves. And in this instance I have some advice on what you can do to help Miranda, but unfortunately it will not help you.

    See, what I would suggest is to talk to Miranda’s parents because if she is feeling suicidal and had something as traumatic as rape happen to her, she is in danger. And helping her live is first and foremost.

    But it will not help you (I don’t think) because she will resent that you went to her parents, she will be mad that Jayden betrayed her trust, and she will not be happy with any of you for awhile.

    In the end though, she does need help. People who are happy do not think of driving into telephone poles. Miranda needs your help.

    For you, I would say that getting involved with someone who has depression is very difficult and sometimes doesn’t work out. You can do everything right, but depression is a monster and cares little for the hearts of others. Not saying the person who is depressed is a monster, depression is a disease and is hard to tame or get rid of. And those who deal with it either first hand or second hand have difficulties. If you really are in love, and you really want to help, then there are steps you can take. But that will not guarantee that Miranda will be receptive to you. Hopefully she will see that you care enough to help, and her friends care as well. And hopefully you can be a part of her support while in recovery. But ultimately this is her choice, to seek help. And it is her choice on weather she will accept that help.

    I found this on the web, and it is actually pretty good:

    Top Tips for Helping a Depressed Friend or Relative
    Learn about depression Educate yourself about the symptoms, causes, and treatments of depression. You need to understand what you’re dealing with before you can help.
    Be understanding Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.
    Try not to take it personally Irritability and hostility are common symptoms of depression. Often, a depressed person will say hurtful things or lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so don’t take it to heart.
    Have realistic expectations It can be frustrating to watch a depressed loved one struggle, especially if progress is slow or stalled. Having patience is important. Even with the proper treatment, recovery from depression doesn’t happen overnight.
    Don’t be an enabler It doesn’t help anyone involved if you are making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.
    Relinquish your control Don’t try to rescue your loved one from depression. It’s not up to you to fix the problem, nor can you. Ultimately, depression recovery is in the hands of the depressed person.

    There is more on this topic here: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm

    I hope that Miranda does get some help, and I hope you two are able to work past this. My thoughts are with you.

    Brightest Blessings

    ~Xmichra


    Dear Lover_in_distress,

    You do know that I shoot from the hip don’t you? And I live by the creed to say what I mean, mean what I say and try not to say it too mean. I am going to be as sensitive as possible and I will tell you the same thing I would tell any one of my own sons, if they came to me with the same situation, ok?

    First of all, I feel there was a lot of drama, unnecessary drama, attention seeking drama. While it’s understandable that you would be concerned for Miranda, especially if she was insinuating a suicide attempt, I would surely ask you, if you think her behavior is within the norm? Now, far be it from me to down play her emotions but do you really feel it was necessary for her to take it as far as she did, namely, getting as upset as she did about her sister, punching the locker and threatening suicide? Take a look at this.

    My fiance’ threatened suicide when I was moving to Long Island from Pittsburgh. If you want to read about it, I had written, baring my soul, in this post. On one hand, I thought he was being extremely emotional. On the other hand, I was truly concerned, scared to say the least. On one hand, I felt he must be crazy, while on the other, I felt so guilty over leaving him. It was an awful situation. One side of me, if the truth were known, didn’t believe a word he was saying and the other was petrified that he meant it. The point is that we should never not take someone serious who states, implies, insinuates suicide. My beau ultimately killed himself. This was the Lesson of a Lifetime.

    I am painfully aware of the ramifications of suicide, threat of suicide and the way it holds those we love, emotionally hostage. As well, it’s extremely agonizing to me, bordering excruciating, to admit this but I too have behaved badly and I have attempted suicide. I am being sincere when I say that I understand the emotions behind a suicide threat. And I bare all, simply so you might see that I speak from experience. My boyfriend/fiance’ was not my first initiation into the hush hush, Hemlock Society, type of thinking, emotion either. I’ve been around the block, a time or two, have seen more than most and maybe even felt and experienced more than most?

    Long story short; It’s selfish as hell to threaten suicide, especially for dramatic purpose and intent and especially, if you’re just being theatrical , seeking attention and so on. We can’t read their minds, you can’t read Miranda’s mind and we don’t know if she’s actually serious or histrionic? Was she being melodramatic? Now, I am not holding any Ace up my sleeve, there’s no magic here but I’d be willing to bet that she was being a bit theatrical. More importantly, I think you need to suggest that she might seek counseling. This may set her off but if you don’t say it, it would be the first of many mistakes…

    Having said all that and letting the cat out of the bag, I’ll ask you to take a long hard look at her behavior, above and beyond all of this. Well Babz, what are you talking about?

    Quite honestly, I think her behavior towards you has been rather unfair(we’ll give her credit as maybe she can’t help it and needs this counseling). See, I think you just so happen to be a nice guy. I also think that she has, on more than one occasion, taken advantage of your nice guy persona. But my intent is not to rile you up and it’s certainly not to cause you to get angry and break up with her.

    White Hat/Black Hat/Gray Hat

    They say “nice guys finish last.” I happen to believe there’s some validity to that statement. Unfortunately, in this world, you have people, men and women alike, who are just mean spirited, users, gold diggers, etc. and they seem to have/get it all. Quite frankly, I’d rather be able to look myself in the mirror but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit a bit of jealousy, in a fleeting glimpse. I mean, I would sure enjoy having the mentality to marry for money, like some women and men do. Realistically though, I will quickly shake it off and report to myself and God that I am doing my best to be a better person. But I have noticed an attraction, that I readily admit, to bad boys. It has been my demise from day one. And I think a lot of women are attracted to that “bad boy” persona. Have you noticed this?

    Now, I am not telling you to be a bad boy. No, I like you just the way you are. I do however, want you to change a few things. See, girlfriend believes she’s got you wrapped around her little finger. Yes, even subconsciously, a girl is capable of doing this. It’s possible and rather plausible to think that your girlfriend thinks you are predictable and that you’ll be there whether she calls you or not? Predictable can be boring too! You need to wear a gray hat…

    Let me point out something to you, to put things into perspective. OK, if she didn’t respond and ignored her/a girlfriend, who had, in a caring and loving manner, inquired how she was doing, when she’d gone out of her way to send message after message, text and voice mail and Miranda didn’t respond, they wouldn’t stay girlfriends for very long. Yes, it’s just common courtesy, a kindergarten premise, when someone inquires about you, especially in a time of crisis such as this, to have the common decency to respond back. Am I right or am I right?

    In conclusion, I feel Miranda has taken advantage of a good thing, intentional or not. If she really does care, she should treat you, first and foremost as her best friend. Look very carefully at this and any other relationship you have; If you are not best friends with this girl, which is a must, you have nothing. Understand?

    Put on that gray hat, make it clear to her that you would appreciate it if she could at least let you know she’s all right, when you inquire, simply out of respect. Take the kid gloves off. I understand your going easy with her, nice and slow because of what happened to her but that does not give her license to be inconsiderate to you. Unless of course, you are desperate?

    I think not…

    Keeping It Real,

    Aunt Babz


    Posted by Ask Aunt B at 1:20 PM
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    April 30, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Advice, Choices, Personal Relationships, Perspective, Rape, Read Me Again, Suicide, Teen Issues, Teen Problems | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | No Comments

    Call of the Wild

    Thursday, April 17, 2008

    Call of the Wild

    Dear Aunt Babz,

    Hi there Ali here, I have recently been dumped by my boyfriend of 6 months although 6 months isnt long the minute we met we had a strong bond and soon fell in love. He grew up in my new home and his uncle is an old friend so everything seemed like fate. I’m sure he loves me but he hasnt given a reason just dumped me totally out the blue. We were so happy im heartbroken as I think he’s my true love i’m 25 and he’s 19 so everyone is saying its his age. But you cant fake feelings like he showed for me. I’ve been through so much in my life I cant see how to get through this he’s being so awful and totally shutting me out. I just dont no what to do.

    Dear Ali, I imagine right now, you’re feeling pretty rough? I’m not sure if I have an absolute answer for you except to say that if it was fate which threw you two together, it’ll be fate to bring him back?

    I do think age has something to do with it, in fact it’s probably everything to do with it. But I don’t mean in the respect that the age difference between the two of you, is a factor. I happen to believe that love is love no matter what the age and since there are so many aspects of love, so many facets, the variables are always, not age but the degree of that love. Love comes in many shapes and sizes and you can never ever put a set of rules, per say or have a stance that age is a factor as to why it works and doesn’t work. Love only works if you work it, whether you are the same age of 20 years apart.

    I do however feel, that this fella is still young enough that he doesn’t know what he wants. On one hand, there’s that side of him that was head over heels in love with you. Then, the testosterone took over and off he went. This is a natural course for some males, a need to sew thy seed, experience all that life has to offer and not commit. Some of that is a lack of maturity, some is to be true to oneself and as well, a possibility that he might be afraid of his feelings, afraid to commit. My youngest son, Wam, was just this way. He went around, falling in love, breaking hearts and yes, sewing his seeds, feeling his oats. He’s now 26, wants to settle down but still hears the “Call of the Wild” and is extremely fearful (although he’d never admit it) of commitment.

    Somehow, I feel it is exactly that, the Call of the Wild. There’s a good possibility that he did and does love you but has trepidation concerning a commitment. He may have run because of this fear. I’m gonna say it, I think he’s afraid of his strong feelings. Now, I don’t want to get your hopes up, or give you a false sense of that hope. Where fate, which I prefer to call destiny, placed you two together, destiny will also prevail, one way or another.

    I do also believe in the power of prayer. If you do, I suggest you get to praying for one of two things; that you’ll find love elsewhere and you’ll be comforted and heal or this guy will have his heart warmed, you on his mind, every minute. You ask your Higher Power for direction and wisdom. These very words are part of that destiny too, did you know this? Yes, all things happen for a reason, even you writing to me and my response to you.

    Knowing that all things happen for a reason, begin to look for the reason and the answer will be there.Life is a series of tests, riddles if you were and learning experiences. Knowing this, simplifies things, now doesn’t it? So, what is it you are to learn from this? Only you may answer that riddle?

    In conclusion, I have to tell you my gut feelings. I must. I have the sneaking suspicion that you need to pull the band-aid off and let go. I would love nothing more than for you to write me and tell me I was so very wrong. But I must be honest. I do not negate your feelings, your love for this guy. As well, I recognize that, in fact, he does love you as well or rather, has a love for you. But, Ali, my instincts, my Intuitions tell me that it is not to be.

    If per chance, I am right, I would suggest that you get busy, get back into business, jump back into life and ready yourself for the guy I see you with. When you least expect it, he will come round the corner and mesmerize you. He’s not the best looking guy to come down the Pike and you won’t notice him at first. But he’s an honest soul, the kinda guy you can curl up with on a stormy night. He has a bit of temper but will not show it to you, not really. He’s also the kind of guy who lives to make you smile and passionately loves to make you laugh. I won’t bore you with all that I see but suffice it to say, I see you smiling and happy, in love really for the first time.

    Be encouraged. I hope you can recover quickly from this and will look forward to the day you write me and tell me all about it.

    Keeping It Real,

    Aunt Babz

    Keeping It Real

    Posted by Ask Aunt B at 1:18 PM
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    April 30, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Uncategorized | , , , , | No Comments

    In Your Shoes

    Thursday, April 17, 2008

    In Your Shoes


    Dear Aunt Babz,

    I have been best friends with my roommate since 3rd grade. Two and a half years ago we got an apartment together and everything has been great. About 6 months ago she started dating a new guy, which is great, but lately it is starting to become a problem for me. He stays at our apartment 3-4 nights a week and I am starting to feel like he is almost living here, except he doesn’t chip in for rent. When he is here the two of them take over the apartment so I often end up sitting in my room for the evening. I like her boyfriend and I am glad my roommate is so happy but I don’t really want to live with a couple. I don’t want to tell her not to hangout with him so often but I really can’t take this living situation much longer. I want to move out and get my own apartment but I’m not sure how to go about that without destroying my friendship. My roommate doesn’t really have anyone else to live with and I know her parents wouldn’t let her live with a boyfriend before marriage but on the other hand I feel like I have to do what will make me happy because I know they won’t change. My roommate has also become very distant and confrontational since she started dating this guy so I have a bad feeling that whatever I say she is going to take it the wrong way. Am I over reacting? What should I do? HELP!
    Thanks!

    Dear Friend,

    No, I don’t feel you are over reacting, at all. I could immediately feel and I get the distinct feeling that you are being more than fair. I also think you are only trying to be considerate too. But when it’s all said and done, you are right; You have to do what will make you happy.

    This is one of those sticky situations where you’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Might as well grab the bull by the horns and be damned on your own terms.

    If it were me, I would write a carefully orchestrated letter. I am a huge fan of writing letters and here’s why. As well, I would choose my words rather diplomatically. I mean, where you can, be diplomatic, I would but you’ll have to be assertive and state your needs.

    If I were you, in that letter, I’d try to put things into perspective for your BF. By explaining things in terms, she can’t help but understand, you may be able to save your friendship? You’ll be smart to start the letter out by stating that, while you realize that writing her this letter may seem a bit impersonal, you care enough about her to design this letter so that you would minimize any bad feelings. Yes, you care enough to think it all through and the last thing you want to do, is jeopardize your long term friendship

    Go on to tell her that the reason you are writing is that you have become quite uncomfortable with your living arrangements as they are. Tell her, “You must admit, that when we moved in together, it was with the understanding that it would be just the two of you. And before you think anything of it, you are not implying that your boyfriend is living with you both. But just imagine, if the shoe was on the other foot and your boyfriend spent so much time here, would you be uncomfortable, as I am?”

    I would make sure, at this point, you let her know that you are more than happy for her. You are glad she’s found love and you enjoy seeing her happy. You wouldn’t want to change a thing, in that respect. “However, I have become uncomfortable in my own home, as I believe you would also be, if you came home and I had my boyfriend there. You would feel like the ‘third wheel’, in the way and so on. To afford you privacy, I feel I must stay in my room, stay out of your way, simply out of consideration. This then limits my freedom within our home. I am not saying this is your fault but am simply stating the facts, my emotions. I think you would feel awkward as well, if the situation were switched? Would you or would you not feel that you wanted to be the considerate roomie, as I have tried so very hard to be and stay out of the way, so I might enjoy my time with my boyfriend? After all, when [insert name] comes to our apartment, he’s there to visit you, not me? Therefore, I feel the need to go to my room. Again, I am not finding fault here, as if it were me, I would want my boyfriend around as well and I want you to be happy.”

    Now, I would not mention your knowledge as to her situation or rather the demands of her parents concerning her not living with a guy before marriage. I hate to say it but that’s her problem, not yours. In fact, I don’t mean to be cruel but she’s placed you in a rather precarious position and none of this is fair to you. Sure, we want her to be happy but not at the extent of your happiness, comfort in your own home and feeling every time he comes over, as awkward as that 3rd wheel. It’s just not fair but it is a situation, I just know you can relate to.

    Yes, I would write the letter, making no demands upon her but simply stating your intentions, reasoning and your wish for her happiness. Making the latter clearly stated, you state that you are moving so you’ll both have your privacy. Maybe then, you could point out that “she knows how private you are and that you hope she understands that you feel rather uncomfortable, as things are.”

    I would reiterate that you wish her the very best, it makes you so very happy that she’s found love and that, you “pray, she cares enough to understand your feelings and can put herself in your shoes with an open mind and heart.” If you word it this way, if she does go off about it, it’ll be self evident that she obviously does not care enough to place herself in your position with that open mind and heart. In short, she was never your real friend, to begin with.

    I hope she’ll see things as they truly are but if she can’t or won’t, the eventuality of it all is short-n-sweet; You deserve a better friend, one which she obviously was not from the word go. Let’s hope she can wear your shoe size, huh?

    Keeping It Real,

    Aunt Babz

    Posted by Ask Aunt B at 9:06 AM
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    April 30, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Advice, Perspective, Teen Issues, Teen Problems | , , | No Comments

    Reality Check???

    Want to read current, up to date questions and answers from Aunt Babz? Just click the button…

    April 18, 2008 Posted by askauntb1 | Uncategorized | | No Comments